No Ceiling to Stupidity

http://social.answers.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/vistahardware/thread/720108ee-0a9c-4090-b62d-bbd5cb1a7605

Crack it or Crank it

Have you tried real hard; worked patiently for a long long time on trying to open something? Getting it to reveal the innards? And tasted the success? How did it taste? Was it as expected? Bitter? Sweet? Different? Disappointing? My uncle nudged me towards trying to crack a walnut using the thumb and the forefinger using any combination to develop strength. Took me 5 years of my teens before I broke the first one. And when it broke, I wasn't sure whether it was a flaky one. So I tried another one. That broke too. I tried cracking a lot of them over the next few days before I was sure that the adequate amount of strength has entered the body. Of course, the ma was shocked to see me doing it..the ability to crack I mean..

But I am not referring to the walnut here. Have you ever worked on a living thing trying to get it to open itself or nudged it to a certain point you wanted to? Slowly, patiently with exquisite delicacy; with time moving in fractions. I worked on one such project for over two years. And the result was delicious. Captivating. And unbelievable. Truly, the mind is capable of any damn thing - it so led me to believe.

Me being the happy go lucky forgot it pretty damn easily once I achieved it too. And remembered it last night. And I have a new dawn to look to too..Crank up the mental focus and energy store..Goose bumps.

Current music: Real McCoy - Runaway

This happened today.

I was driving to work trying to manoever the car on the narrow lane on the hill. Now, anyone who has driven through Whisper Valley towards Jubilee Hills in Hyderabad knows how tipsy, curvy and steep the entire stretch is. Add the trucks, motorcycles, buffaloes, cars, bicycles, human traffic and the Skodas,Audis and Mercs. I specifically mention the Skodas et al cause you have to be careful of not only getting bumped by the other vehicles but also of not scratching any of the big ones. Add the dug up road to these and you have an idea of the drive for me on the 5 minute stretch linking the highway. The sun was shining in full glory. And I was very late.

Trying to go ahead and avoid scratching an oncoming car on the other side on one of the slopes, I noticed a man and an old lady trying to walk up the slope in this unbearable heat. Even in the fleeting moment, I could sense thier stress. His of trying to get the old woman up the hill and hers with the physical inability to do so. Normally I would forget about it. But not today. As I drove past, the tingling between my eyebrows would not abate and my thoughts kept going back to the two. Would the woman manage the climb? Will someone help them? The heat was oppressive. Just as I was about to join the highway traffic, I U-turned and sped back.

Just as I had thought. The two had not made even 20 feet progress. I halted the car next to them, opened the side door and indicated them to hop in. I saw the skeptic looks on the man's face so added my genuine smile as well. There was no space for me to get down and aid the two with a bunch of cars lined up behind me downhill. Luckily, a couple of laborers saw my predicament and starting assisting with the traffic. A closer look at the old woman divined that she was certainly not well, had extremely swollen feet & hands and probably parched as well. It took the man the whole of 5 minutes to get the old woman into the car after which we moved on.

Turned the A/c on full blast and I could sense the gratitude and relief pervade the car. The old woman was silent all the while. The man explained in broken Hindi that his scooter didn't have the power to climb the hill and broke down. The woman was operated on a month back and they were on their way to Apollo hospital. We reached the hospital gate in 7-8 minutes flat without further ado.

As the man stepped out, the old woman turned to me, blessed my head and held my palms for a moment with those utterly soft and delightful hands. I was shocked. Shocked because the touch reminded me soooo much of my grandmother. The same garbled, wizened look and oh so loving feel. My palms jerked a bit due to shock of familiarity which made the woman apprehensive and withdraw. I was tongue tied but smiled and held her palms again and soaked in her touch. She gave a toothless smile with her mouth and soda water bifocals. Alighted. I wished her well. And the two went inside.

I stayed in the place for some time feeling the vibrations hum in the front seat of my car. I wished I could speak Telugu. I was happy I took the U-turn.

Current Music: Lita Ford & Ozzy Osbourne - Close My Eyes Forever

Peak of Confidence

This was forwarded as a joke but I found it quite inspiring to date.

Bill Gates organized a session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large auditorium. One candidate is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: “Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.”

2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, “I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try”

Bill Gates: “Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.”2000 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, ”I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?” He stays.

Bill Gates: “Candidates who do not have management degrees may leave.”

500 people leave the room

Kantibhai says to himself, “I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?” So, he stays in the room.

Finally, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Kantibhai says to himself, “I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?” So, he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said “Apparently, you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat. I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.”

Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says “Kem chho?”

The other candidate answers “Ek dam majama...... '

If you want to hit a century, you gotta take more swings.

Current music - Lita & Ozzy - If I Close My Eyes Forever

The Passion Fruit

Speaking of passion, here are some examples in your face:

Mike Mangini solo - Please watch till the end even if drumming doesn't interest you. The guy is nuts.

There are numerous other examples in all walks of life but the above just came to mind. There are so many hot shots in the blogspace who methinx at times are not even putting their writing talent to work. Sad part is many are not aware of it in the first place. Same story across every other channel, right?

I am going for a jog..See you guys later. 5:53 a.m. Haven't run for a long time. The mind is saying, "Are you serious? The bed looks so damn inviting".. Let's see what the legs say later.

Current music: Dave Mathews Band - Satellite

Early coffee with the Magpie

A thought just woke me up now "It's been six months since I have worn any of my suits." Its 4.30 in the morning.

My dry cleaner in Mumbai would have phoned me to check if I'm all right if my suit was not in his laundry every two weeks. It could mean either I am travelling or I am jobless. I used to travel once every two months across the globe. And if I wasn't traveling, I used to meet and host almost every client/prospect offshore visit. And now - zilch.

Meaningfully, I am jobless even though I hold a plum post with a nice title. It's actually a senior one but working for a huge organization with so many tadpoles, frogs and sharks, I right now feel like flotsam. But there are so many opportunities in the organization which are opening up after meeting and talking to different people in different groups. One for e.g. would be cost cutting which would save millions for my company easily. The company makes good profits and margins as well inspite of the tremendous revenue leakage and abysmal unchecked expenses. It must be the "secret sauce" as the analysts say.

One particular opportunity opened up which is quite interesting. To be the face of the BFS vertical for all onsite opportunities. To lead the group towards closure of new openings in a consultative mode. But mainly it would involve interacting with clients which I've been missing for the last six months. And the hundreds of opportunities floating through my head are keeping me awake even in the night. For e.g. I just finished the Transfer Agency landscape analysis and I can't wait to meet all the Asian folks and shake them horribly. The Asian landscape is so terribly fragmented. E.g. You could sell 40 fund accounting systems to 40 different firms across Asia because each does its piece in a different manner. Did you know that a broker in Taiwan will not send a SWIFT message for a trade because it costs 25 cents? He will confirm trade via fax. Can you imagine the tremendous space for improvement? One thing was DAMN impressive about the Japanese. Another trivia - did you know that there is no concept of "failed trades" for the Japanese in their domestic markets? I was ASTOUNDED. And that very Six Sigma plus quality leads to problem when they interact with the international market. Ha ha ha..The concept of trades failing for various reasons internationally can't be digested easily.

And the boss pops an email last night which I checked just now - :Any luck with the onsite folks? As if I am the one who's been working here since donkeys years and he is the newbie in the organization. I sometimes feel like poking the doll.

A few other items running through my head though. But the blog is not the forum for that. I am now seriously starved for an innovative and challenging role. A starvation similar to the illusions that run through your head when your stomach has been empty for a long, long time. The growling could seriously challenge Karl Sanders from Nile and George Kollias too for passion. Net net, I don't need much sleep these days.

What is started in the dark continues in the light.

Reader Poll

Yesterday, I was chatting with someone who read my "Too much work" post. And she asked me, "Did you grow up without morals?" Honestly, morality to me is timidity wrapped up in a philosophical overcoat. It actually piqued me quite a bit that a reader could get such a strong impression based on what I wrote. The wild things I did were part of moi growing up period (read teens and a little post teens too) and I don't regret them a bit. But just goes to show that sometimes certain things need to be on a need to know basis and unnecessary sharing of information can come and nip your (_o_) :)

But readers tell me honestly; did you get the same impression about me?

Current music - Faith No more - I'm easy

Strategy and Innovation

Ok..some gyan and floating thoughts this time..

Strategy..Strategy..Strategy

This is the word that has been reverberating in my corridor since the last couple of years. Now the end point of strategy has always been in being able to generate new business or revenues. Unfortunately most organizations mix strategy into creating an excel sheet or powerpoint plan with a rolling forecast approximating a certain % of market share at worst. I think the dividing line between creating annual plans and creating strategy has been lost or misunderstood by many. Either you create a successful formula or exploit some form of external change in your environment and ride the early mover advantage. That is strategy. For e.g in my previous company, I handled a triple based role - Firstly, being responsible for Banking and capital markets strategy, Second for driving sales across the globe which involved meeting clients/prospects, understanding pain points and pitching our services etc and thirdly of managing the bid office. As part of strategy, I had identified insurance asset management as an area being particularly ripe for outsourcing especially after the hurricane onslaught when the insurance asset manager moved from the liability to the asset side. Second was for doing the valuations of all the OTC derivatives. This was right before the crisis even hit the market and Bear Stearns/Lehman still being the kings of their fiefdom. I had predicted that there will be an urgent need for all banks/asset managers etc to outsource the valuations bit and there is a good deal of money to be made in this.

To take a position on this opportunity, my organization would need to quickly ally with the domain players, a few technology parties and do some internal investing on its own as well. And all this was supported with a business case down to the last dollar required to make it happen. I even went to the extent of getting the largest players in the globe to the deal table to showcase the opportunity. But alas!! The big swinging dicks just didn't have the appetite and largesse to eat such big ones. Nor the vision. It was a time of utter frustration.

But coming back to the point, I love Steve Jobs for his innovation - for whatever he has done to the entire music industry. In one of his interviews where Rumelt asked him on his future strategy, he didn't beat around the bush. All he said was,"I am going to wait for the next big thing". He is a standing testimony to the fact that innovation if supported by the right knowledge and skill pools can change the game completely. Clearly your end product has to have a completely different value compared to the competitors and the company should capitalize on the early mover advantage. Inspite of many mp3 players to hit the market after the Ipod, none have been able to dislodge it from the supremo position.

Unfortunately, I am still in a similar shit-faced position of strategizing and laying things on the table with no one to eat the pie. But things are less gloomy than the earlier organization. There are a few glimmers of hope that the company might move on the suggestions. But a lot of water will flow over the head and we will lose the early mover advantage is what I feel.

Current music - Thiruda Thiruda - Koncham Nilavu

Too much work

Tagged moiself from Dreamcatcher

1. Last beverage – Smirnoff Ice in hard and apna cutting in soft.

2. Last phone call- The bank

3. Last text message – The boss

4. Last song you listened to – Summer song - Joe Satriani

5. Last time you cried – Don't remember

HAVE YOU EVER.

6. Dated someone twice? – Yes

7. Been cheated on? – Yes

8. Cried yourself to sleep? – No

9. Lost someone special? – yes

10. Been depressed? – yes

11. seen ghosts – LoL. Want to but they don't appear.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS.

12. Gold (now don't say it's a metal)

13. Bottle Green

14. Kareena Red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU.

15. Made new friends – Yes

16. Fallen out of love – No

17. Laughed until you cried – Haha..Lots.

18. Met someone who changed you – Haven't ever met anyone who's changed me :(

19. Found out who your true friends were – Er..That thought doesn't bother me.

20. Found out someone was talking about you – Yeah

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list - :D Kiss and tell?

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life – 50%

23. How many kids do you want to have – Six if I can afford it.

24. Do you have any pets – Of course. And a farm too.

25. Do you want to change your name – Are ye feckin nuts? Haven't yet met anyone with the same name.

26. What did you do for your last birthday – Crap.

27. What time did you wake up today – 8:31 a.m.

28. What were you doing at midnight last night – Watching Rush Hour 3

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for – Starting moi business

30. Last time you saw your father – May

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life – Get a little disciplined

32. What are you listening to right now – Vader, Meshuggah and Peter Hamill

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – Yup

34. What's getting on your nerves right now? – The firm where I work

36. Whats your real name – Karna..Go figure..

37. Relationship Status - Surfboard

38. Zodiac sign - Pisces

39. Male or female – Delta male

40. Natural Hair color? - black

41. Hair color now – Brown

42. Pet Peeve – Moi car washer

43. Need Glasses- Never

44. Long or short – Long

45. Height - 5'8

46. Do you have a crush on someone – Yawn..Nothing permanent

47. What do you like about yourself? – Am comfy.

48. Piercings – Not yet

49. Tattoos – Not yet

50. Righty or lefty - righty

FIRSTS.

51. First surgery – Not yet

52. First piercing – Not yet

53. First tattoo - Not yet

54. First best friend – Chetan

55. First sport you joined – Cricket

56. First pet – A Doberman

57. First vacation – Duh..I think it was moi uncle's wedding in Nagpur.

59. First crush- Neelaxi

60. First alcoholic drink – Rum

RIGHT NOW.

61. Eating – Tadgola

62. Wearing – Benetton formals

63. I'm about to – Go for a smoke

64. Speaking to – No one

65. Waiting to – go for a movie

YOUR FUTURE.

66. Want kids? – YEAH

67. Want to get married? – More than once ;)

68. Careers in mind? – Not long term

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

69. Lips or eyes – Eyes

70. Hugs or kisses – Kisses

71. Shorter or taller- taller

72. Older or Younger – older

73. Romantic or spontaneous – spontaneous

74. Nice stomach or nice arms – nice stomach

75. Tattoos or piercings- Piercings

76. Sensitive or loud- sensitive...fuck loud..

77. Hook-up or relationship – No strings please..at least to start with.

78. Trouble maker or hesitant- Not hesitant..please...

HAVE YOU EVER.

79. Kissed a stranger - Yeah :)

80. Drank hard liquor - Yeah

81. Lost glasses/contacts - Nah..sunglasses then yes.

82. Sex on first date – Yeah

83. Broken someone's heart – Er..yeah.

84. Had your own heart broken – Of course..but as they say it happens only once.

85. Been arrested?- If you mean FIR, then nopes.

86. Turned someone down - Yes

87. Cried when someone died - Fuck yes.

88. got someone into trouble intentionally – A million times

DO YOU BELIEVE IN.

89. Yourself – Umm not all the time.

90. Miracles – Haan.

91. Love at first sight – Yeah

92. Heaven – Chutiyagiri bund kar

93. Santa Claus – Female Santa yes..

94. Kissing on the first date? - Of course

95. Angels – Duh..Read the heaven answer

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? – YEAH

97. Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend at one time? – Oops..yes.

98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? – If you are a dog. But committed till you are with that person, yes.

99. What's the one thing you cannot live without? – Money

100. Posting this as 100 truths? - No work.

Current music - Quarterflash - Harden my heart

Attack Captain Zatack!!

Ok. So I've stopped being Mr.nice shoes to everyone at work. No more of going with the flow and smiley face at everyone. So here I am sitting with the boss in his cabin and he is going on talking about how his cost pressures are mounting and we are a fairly top heavy group and we should be looking at alternate requirements etc. Now I've been hearing this for quite sometime and had been on the defensive so long that it kind of starting invading my dreams. So I lost it and let it loose with a semi-loud 'Fuck you". He was startled and could only come back with "What did you say?" By this time all sense had deserted me and I had a Aamir Khan kind of look in the last scene of Ghajini with huge eyes popping out type. So I got hold of moiself and very calmly asked him,"Which part of "fuck you" didn't you understand?" A pause. Continued. "Do you think I am sitting here calmly to hear your crap about mounting pressures etc? It was your decision to hire senior people at my level and I didnt know that you are going to have three seniors at my level in a team where none are required. So fuck your pressures."

By then the boss had turned red, looked shocked and screamed,"Get out. I am going to screw your happiness." I got up, walked to the door, turned back and said,"Learn to use the right word. It is fuck and not screw." So I walked to his desk back and told him very quietly,"If I get fucked, you DEFINITELY get fucked. By me. I have left everything back in Mumbai and come here. Everything. Friends. Family. Life. At your call. So just remember that. Don't think you can mess with me just because you don't like me. " And I left.

A few days later I get this call from Workforce Management giving me possible options - two of which are onsite options. Talks are on. While nothing has been final yet, at least the outlook looks okie dokie at the moment. Sometimes you gotta put the fear of Gawd into someone for him to give you a fair deal.

Moral of the story - Offense is sometimes the best form of defense.

Current Song - Testament - Formation of Damnation

And idler!!

Essence. Core. Heartfelt. Touching. Love. Forever. And so on. There are so many words which most people roll off their tongue as part of their daily communication without even thinking or feeling about the gravity of each one. And then there are some who use them skillfully and with pause on certain occasions. These don't feel the gravity either. And then there are those who don't use them ever. They don't feel anything at all but at least they are honest.

There is one other category of people. I have to meet THAT one. I realized something else. I am not cut out for that loving feeling at all. It's not that I don't feel it but probably I don't deserve it to come to me. The amount of expectations are a kill-joy for me. I am not equipped to deal with those. With relationships comes compromise. I completely agree and one has to, if he is living in society. But my immense inertia to get out of the state and respond even at crucial moments has led me to this conclusion. My house might be on fire and I wouldn't be bothered. Too much communication irritates me these days. Especially in a relationship, you know how necessary it is. Wot shit is this? Mind to tongue to type is not happening very well too.

I think I should stick it up and close this. Be happy go lucky as is my nature and not try to change myself for anyx..

Idle Thoughts

Continuity eludes me. And I've started missing it little by little. Big decisions taken in a snap sometimes tend to come back and bite you in the arse. And they chew you and you chew your brain and the circle continues. There has to be some Sulemani in everyone which makes you shake your secure world for lack of that "something" and take a plunge into something totally out of your realm. Without giving it those deep thoughts. That evaluation. And it is pretty selfish in the end. And hurting on those dependent on you.

Sometimes I think that life should have been a one track Formula 1. Drive solo mio. No navigator. No directions. Just speed.

Quote Unquote

Many times in life we come across stories, songs, poems, quotes and other unique items which we immediately identify or connect with deeply. Today, some of the quotes which I identify with -

Ota Dokan (1432-1486), a scholar of military arts and a poet. He was stabbed while bathing. Clutching the dagger that pierced his chest, he uttered the following tanka and died:

Had I not known
that I was dead
already
I would have mourned
my loss of life.

The Milton classic "Tis better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven."

"Love is the mist before my eye,
makes me long for the day I die,
easy to see, impossible to hold,
why must this game grow so old"

"The enemy," retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, "is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on." - Catch-22

African proverb - "Until the lions have their historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter."

Kozan Ichikyo (died 1360 at the age of 77) was a spiritual teacher and poet. A few days before his death, Kozan called his pupils together, ordered them to bury him without ceremony, and forbade them to hold services in his memory. He wrote this poem on the morning of his death, laid down his brush, and died sitting upright:

"Empty-handed I entered the world
Barefoot I leave it.
My coming, my going--
Two simple happenings
That got entangled."

Email me some of yours. Next post on some songs..

Current music - Gloria Estefan - I'm not giving you up

The Subtlest One!!

A group of Jewish friends discuss if it would have been better not to have been born.

"Of course it would," says one of them,"but how many of us have such luck?"

I had a funny dream a while back. I dreamt I was awake, but when I woke up, I found I was asleep.

Not absolute!!

Once there was a great connoisseur. He was a wine taster. A friend invited him to his house because he had some very, very old valuable wines and he wanted to show this man his collection. He wanted this man's appreciation. He gave him one of his most valuable wines. The man tasted it but remained silent. He didn't say anything, not even that it was good. The friend felt hurt. Then he gave him a very rough ordinary wine. He tasted it and said,"Very, very good,fine!"

The friend was puzzled. He said,"I am puzzled. I gave you one of the rarest , most valuable wines, and you remained silent, yet to this ordinary, not even costly, rough wine, you praised it."

The connoisseur said,"For the first, nobody is required to say anything. It speaks for itself. But for the second, somebody is needed to praise it, otherwise it will feel hurt!"

"क्या दिल में तेरे अरमान नहीं
ये दुनिया इतनी वीरान नहीं"

As I Go Down Memory Lane

shhh!!

Go(a) Through Moi Wet Lens