Love is the mystic

Some things are nipped in the bud
That's nature saying it did what it could
What isn't yours isn't yours to feel
Lest it become your Achilles heel

Love is to many like Neptune to Earth
It's there but sadly not for them to birth
Don't search again for what once you were blessed to receive
It's time to move up, reset and forever be free

Yoga it

I have always wondered why do people do the things they do. Some acts I understand are out of duty, out of physical compulsions, out of societal necessities. But what about the rest of it? I have kind of stopped reading newspapers over the last few years though I do occasionally read The Evening Standard or The Sun. Rubbish I know but not much different than The Economist or The Financial Times. Only the actors are different but everyone is screwing everyone anyway.

 

I do not believe it is the nature of man to be violent. Why does man rape, murder, indulge in skulduggery, sky dive, race cars, watch movies, have extra marital affairs, torture, booze, drug, cheat amongst so many other similar activities? I believe they are all borne out of anger. For e,g. once man attains puberty and tastes the essence of 'nothingness' in those sweet moments, he starts yearning for it 24*7. Inability to achieve that gives birth to anger which leads to some or all or more of the activities I mentioned earlier. Thinking a bit more led me to the conclusion that man today doesn't know how to be intense or live an intense life. All those acts are just temporary substitutes which give a high but leave a bigger vacuum than before. For e.g. I know this man in Credit Suisse who regularly parties with Michael Schumacher. He tells me Michael cant sit for a minute without constantly trying to do something with his hands and legs.

 

All this thoughts and emotions leading to action are coming out of the most complex computer ever built - the human body. If we learn to manage it correctly, the intensity is on round the clock. If not, ah well there is so much time out there, isn't it? Nah. Yoga.

 

Current music: Ozzy Osbourne: Killer of Giants

Another soul perishes

Not the kind of 'day' news I like waking up to but another life that enriched other lives with his music and lived its potential has been liberated.. my favourite track from Manna Dey's haunt.
 
Current music: Meri Surat Teri Aankhein: Poocho na kaise maine rain beetaye

Ignorance allows you to explore everything. But you get trapped by what you think you know.

To eternity

There are some books and movies which offer an insight every time you repeat them. It was no coincidence that I watched 'No Country For Old Men' and 'Mili' back to back. The Cormac McCarthy book is lethal. Tops my list of alltime favourites and I dont say it lightly. But this is about Mili. The  Aruna Irani line ' Mili tumhare bina bhi mar sakti hain' raised my hackles. There's so much innocence and simplicity backed by some powerful songs milling around those 100+ minutes.

 

As I watched 'No Country For Old Men' before 'Mili' I was thinking of the human body and mind. It's got to be the most complex piece of software and hardware ever. It beats the most complex computers, satellites or whatever you would like to compare it to. This small box containing the lungs, chest safely encompassed with ribs builds and destroys (depending) your entire experiences and directs your life. Shouldn't we dwell on knowing it in its entirety than looking at satori outside?

 

Current music: Mili - Aaye tum yaad mujhe

Nowhere to be but here

Every step you took in life somewhere had a turn. And you made a choice which eventually led you to where you are today. The lines are etched completely and you created the shape. Every step you take is forever.

Our lives are made out of yesterday. That's all there is to it.You can't run away from your past or make it go away. People often talk of starting anew and having a clean start. And then one day they are sitting on the pot and they look down - Guess what they see?

Yesterday always counts. And all that counting at some point in life leads to a balancing of the books. After which nothing is the same. It takes a long part of your life to see what you really are.

I stopped regretting anything 12 years back. It's like stealing your own life and I can't do it.

My motto:
If you can fix it, fix it.
If you can't fix it, it ain't even a problem.

Current music: Alan Parsons Project - Dream within a dream

The Edge

The Edge - There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.

I agree.  Born human is an event. The rest is an evolution. And evolution it is cause there can be no other reason for every one I know to be constantly in a state of unease for whatever their reason. Everyone is striving to be in a position better than the current one. The methods of pursuit are various – money, drugs, sex, extreme sports, music, violence, yoga, meditation, dance etc. Whatever the method the objective always is the same. The fact remains though that in the quest, the wrong method can lead you to a unwanted result.  And in the quest you sometimes reach the edge.

I don’t know how many people believe in rebirth or many births but I do. There can’t be any other reason for man being the only creature capable of dreams. Dreams which have no connection to present day existence but those which leave an aftertaste on waking up.  And over the years the concept of karma has seeped in too.  There is accounting happening for every thought, every action,  every movement. A debit which gets credited and vice versa before our last breath.  An end to the evolution would be to stop collecting new karma and delete the accumulated ones. One way to do it is to exhaust all energies in a bone wracking way. Day after day, minute after minute, moment after moment. Till it gives in.

And so I tried.

Today on the way back from work, the eyes were hurting like pinpricks as if some immense pressure wresting its way out. Gradually it subsided and moved to the temples.  And stayed.  And here I was observing all this sitting on a chair. The dance and the drama. I’ve modified my approach to life slightly now:

If you can fix it, fix it.
If you can’t fix it, it ain’t event a problem.

Khwahishon se nahin girte phool jholi mein
Waqt ki shakh ko hilana hoga
Kuch nahin hoga andheron ko bura kehne se
Apne hisse ka diya khud hi jalana hoga

Current music: James Morrison– The pieces don’t fit anymore

Herman Koch - The Dinner

I am reading ‘The Dinner’ by Herman Koch. I am actually reading it since last evening in two parts. The first part yesterday was an initial half-set wit-driven delightful prose which exploded today into utter disintegration of sanity and triggered the voices in my head to full volume.

It led me to wonder whether just like people - do countries have a certain spirituality or morality within them which has not been identified yet? This far reaching thought admittedly has stemmed up purely from the variety of books I read written by authors with different nationalities. For example – America has so many bestial crimes like keeping women prisoner for years and feeding on their mental, physical and emotional flesh like a rabid maggot, school shootings, serial killings and so on. All this is delightfully supported by writers who take a morbid, perverse and secret satisfaction in writing even murkier stories based on their flights of imagination. America as a country with very little history can be categorized as focusing more on economic growth at a cost of spirituality and maturity just like a baby or a teenager focuses on immediate needs first. Europe and UK especially the Dutch and the Nordics whose fiction take the cake for books on crimes led by depression, loneliness and escape can be categorized as countries with a history which has led to a completely rule driven, disciplined way of everyday life leading to a claustrophobia of a different kind. Asia supported by a long history, rich culture and natural heritage has writers whose books now feature a flippant attempt to ape the West and give an indication of the vacuum that is slowly building up amongst the boomers.
 

I am only talking about fiction writers above. To me, writers from different countries give a very strong indication of the health of that particular region. I wonder if anyone else feels the same and sees the signals.

BTW, the book is deliciously dark and provocative as the plot thickens. You are forced to think what you would do in a similar situation yourself but more so on drawing parallel to the society you live in. Anyone who is a parent needs to worry now about the big responsibility of nurturing your child against the nature that surrounds them.
 

Current music: The Chase - (Alan Reeves & Phil Steele & Philip Brigham)

Bas yuhin

Woh ek khayal joh awaaz tak gaya hi nahi
Mujhe hai yaad woh sab jo kabhi hua hi nahi

Current music: Aaj jaane ki zid na karo

Love - no exceptions

Unless it's mad, wild, passionate and extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love should not be one of them.

Current music - Sade - No ordinary love

Being worried of losing someone when they are not even yours. How much more scarier can it get?

Current music: Pyaasa - Ye Duniya Agar Mil Bhi Jaaye

Time - Need heaps of it to type what's in the head

And so I've learnt

Restarting anything is a decadence to be enacted only once in any decade. And like most of the things to be learnt, you learn it only as you grow older and not necessarily wiser. That is a clear distinction btw. So hopefully I wont do a start, stop, start, stop again. I do plan to start a fresh blog soon - hint to the decadence comment :-). I cant believe six years have passed since I started teasing some words to life. I can't believe I have stopped smoking either. I do like the taste of my own mouth now and not being a menth addict. If I do kiss a girl now who smokes, I will probably learn endurance. And yup, one good thingie is I've moved forward from procrastination to easy contemplation. I can't believe I wasted so much time before doing something. Mainly, I am going easy on myself. It does kill me especially in professional life but that's a challenge I am willing to battle for the bigger picture.

 

Another bittersweet truth I've learnt is you can live without anyone - I stand corrected. Its not living but you know what I mean. Almost everyone I know does cause that's how life is. Its not by choice or design but a safeguard inbuilt by nature for survival. Sure there will be times when the desire or thought of someone not being with you or memories will kill you in that moment but like everything it will pass too. You get into a mess only when you do something in that moment which usually is silly. Else, you go go go - just do it in your sanity while you still can and don't let that nadiring moment take birth.

 

London is a hip place but it does take something different to meet some intelligentsia here. The US is a block easier to thaw than the Brit formality. HOWEVER, once the ice breaks, some of these folks are plain nuts. And EXTREME. I just wish I was here ten years back or at least lived here for a couple of years in my teens. That would have been so cool. And it made me think what is it that I would like to do NOW? I sure as hell dont want to have this 'I wish I had done this etc' thought ten years down the line. And so these are some of the places I would like to visit soooon:

Beachy head, East Sussex UK - This I have visited already and what a splendid moment it was to sit with a drink. Or even without it as I learnt the next morning.

Hidden beach on Marieta Islands, off the coast of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - I do have that something special for water bodies and this looks out of the world. Would loveeee to skinny dip here.

 

Magic Hole - Ik Kil is a well known cenote outside Piste in the municipality of Tinum, Yucatan, Mexico again. It is located in the northern center of the Yucatán Peninsula and is part of the Ik Kil Archeological Park near Chichen Itza. It is open to the public for swimming. Ah water again

 

Moon Mountain, Yangshuo, Guangxi, China - This looks so gorgeous I would commit to all my sins in a heartbeat

 



Northern Lights, Iceland - This shall happen soon

To be continued..

Current music: Yeh waada raha - Ishq mera bandagi hain - Love this one to bits

Life goes on

I never liked Dev Anand but that could be a personal deficiency and its also true that I light up late. As an example, I have recently started appreciating Lata Mangeshkar in the right way. I am thankful that I did while she is still alive unlike the many I did after they are no longer with us e.g. Ustaad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan saab, Ustadon ke ustaad and a personal god (the g is humbly in low for him) Ali Akbar Khan and many more. Discovering something new is almost like an aphorism and I can't keep thanking for it to still continue happening with me. I only wish someday before I go that I know to love. God knows I never have had to struggle for anything ever in life - love, money, friends or anything else and I have had never done anything to be blessed with this. And if this is called detachment which the wise say is to yearn for, its no fun really. But at least that's something which I have to yearn for every minute I breathe.

Current music: Prem Pujari - Phoolon ke rang se (This one is specially for someone whose wrong I could right hopefully someday in life before its too late and who still reads me at least once in a while) 

A little lighter now

Vaise thoda satire non-veg mein bhi hain

Kathorta apne hriday mein nahin
Bulli mein rakhiye
kaam aayegi ;)

Current music - Bodycount - Evil dick

Fir ek

Aaj mood hain to fir kyun roke khud ko..

Raaste kahan khatam hote hain zindagi ke safar mein
Manzil to wahi hain jahan khwaishein tham jaayein

Current music: Farida Khanum - Aaj jaane ki zid na karo

<--- Easy to say --->

Vaise zindagi sukun se jeene ke do raaste hain:

Bhool jao unhe jinhe maaf nahin kar sakte;aur
Maaf kar do unhe jinhe bhula nahin sakte

Current music: Nelly Furtado: Say it right

Sometimes everything is not enough too

Khairaat mein mili khushi hamein acchi nahin lagti
Kyunki
Hum apne gamo mein bhi nawabo ki tarah jeete hain

Current music - Bemisaal:Ae re pawan

Bas yun hi

Badi ajeeb si bandish hain uske pyar mein
Na usne kabhi 'qaid' me rakha; na hum kabhi 'azaad' ho paaye

Current music: Saraswatichandra - Chhod de sari duniya kisi ke liye