When The Lights Go Down

Obviously I am not settling in correctly if I am awake and online even at 11.30 in the night. Or it could be that I don't need much sleep these days. The first two weeks in Central London were fantastic. The summer helped the exuberant spirit of most too. The city was alive even at 11 in the night. People would just sit outside the station till the light faded out and do their own thing. Everything changes as you move away from the center. Life becomes slower, people start doing the disappearing act from the streets, shops close by 8 and the frame moves in slow motion. The farther you go towards the edge of the city, the closer it brings you to the edge. Personally speaking I am all for the calm countryside, the greenery, sounds of nature et al. The bug is that there is no one out to enjoy these things. People want to enjoy the serenity sitting inside their house. What the fuck is this meant to be when I return home by 5.30 p.m. and am the only person walking on the street? LoL and it isn't even winter.

So I chat with my house mate sometime till the light in either one's eyes fade or am on the internet on other days till I force myself to take a 'nap' in the night. Forcing yourself to sleep especially when you are in a extremely calm surrounding is almost like regression therapy. There are no sounds outside like in India to disturb the mind so it automatically goes into silent mode and the subconscious takes over. At least for me. And you remember incidents you have forgotten or it gently invokes the tenderest moments with exquisite gentleness. To ensure you don't run by them too fast this time like you did when they actually happened. And the buggery of it is that sometimes its so delicate that you actually wake up and end up picking the blackberry to look at the time and go back to it. LoL.

These days I turn off the lights when Australia wakes up. The time on bed is actual silence. I don't have to cover my eyes to experience actual darkness 'cause the mind switches off its chatter on its own. I don't know if it makes sense to anyone who reads me but hey, my blog and all that.. :) So my house mate was telling me about the things you need to be careful while buying a house, renting a property, UK tax laws, her job frustration and how she wants to move from the fashion industry to finance. Quite a jump I think but it's the need of the hour. Contrary to what people think, finance is the one industry where you can make money even in the crisis especially if you work in anything but the back office. Do whatever in life but try not to work in the back office of a company in a developed nation if you want to be assured of a steady flow of income and growth.

If your current company shut down and you had to actually change your industry, what would your choice or back up be?

Current Music: Madonna - Give It To Me

A Different Frame

I deleted my FB today. Thought about deleting the blog too but didn't want to do anything inane untill I was completely sure. So will persist till whatever is right materializes in my mind.

Is it perfectly normal to be on your own and not miss anyone? I am content being with myself. I am content being with everyone too. But I don't miss anything. It's not that I don't feel. I am incredibly moved at times by life situations, a child's touch, the crazy joke, the injustice, the justice, beauty of the nature and so on. But I don't think about anyone or anything from a I miss you or I miss it perspective. Is it because I have lived all the normal experiences completely or I have lived all the normal experiences and they don't interest me anymore? The other has always been of interest in our life because our own lives probably hold no excitement. No clarity on where, what, how. Hence the interest in what's happening with him, her, seven oceans across. And this is not even required for sustainance. But it's there in spite of it. But I've lost interest in these figs.

The trick lies within methinx. All I am concerned with these days is how to transform this rock into the divine (not God please). The struggle is to become compassionate. And what I mean by compassionate is to become passionate about everything in my life without exception. There are no struggles with beliefs. All that we believe in are things we do not know, isn't it? There are certain changes happening on a non physical level but its premature to comment. Just need to cut the ropes that bind me. Certain hard hitting incidents usually happen in life which push a person in a different direction. Make him lose interest in the mundane. And once you are on the road less travelled its difficult to trace back. As Frost says, in fact it's impossible to find the same road again.

There are only 4 ways to live life - through love / mind / trust / body. It's important to recognize what applies to you so the road becomes obvious. And accepting the recognition is quite important too needless to say. As Ayn Rand says ~There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.

More later.

Current Music - Sting - Fragile

Of Women On Women

And I must write about women here. The range of lookers is bizarre - from extremely dishy to the maniacal but lookers nevertheless. Some of the Goth apes look great too in their own way. All independent and in a rush on weekday and sunning themselves on the bench outside the station on the weekend. Cigarrette in hand and pet muse on another. Hormone hacked most of the time too :) Very expressive physically which might be attributed to the climate. Piccadilly Circus must definitely be one area where many a man goes home feeling much lighter with his better half. I saw this chic walking with 11 bags filled with clothes. I counted to be sure. What a place.

But speaking of women remind me of this Coco Chanel quote "I don't know why women want any of the things men have when one of the things that women have is men". I love women. Period :). The other day I was thinking about the trials women go through in different phases of their life - menstruation, mental stress, menopause and of course men. And if they have a man who appreciates all that and makes them feel loved accordingly, great. If not, that is another trial to pass. Of course there is pregnancy and children for some, juggling jobs and children at the same tie and for the really unlucky - in laws living with them. All these combined make me feel that every woman should be some rewarded / awarded something by the Government for making the world so much comfortable inspite of 'men'. And that too in time while they can still enjoy and have full movement. My personal one would be (if I could afford) to give each one of them a cash rich year completely free to do everything that they want without the daily worries.

I cringe now when I think about the amount of mothers who keep on sacrificing, sacrificing and yet some more and eventually kick the bucket tired, brow beated and completely exhausted. And then the relatives talk about how good she was. Back home before I flew to London, I attended a funeral of one of my aunts - one I genuinely loved who passed away suddenly at a young age. During her funeral I could hear all the relatives singing praises, weeping truckloads of tears and doing the usual. It made me sick. I cursed them then and there itself - "Where the fuck were you guys when she was ill on the bed? How many times did you visit her and make her comfortable? And not to mention the amount of times you have back bitten her for some shitty reason or other. Stop this fucking pretense. All of you mother fuckers make me puke." There was a stunned silence and my Dad tried to pull me aside and then gave up. He knew the more he would try to stop me the more I would open up all their secrets. One of my relatives had the gall to ask me," So how many times did you come to visit her?" I told him,"Bastard, I came 4 times in 3 months and stayed for 2 days each. It's not about the number of times but the thought that counts. You people shunned her completely. She had cancer not some disease which would kill all of you. But no, who will take the trouble of visiting her - she who gave her entire life helping all of you in some way or the other. And some of you bastards haven't even made it to her funeral. Stop asking me bullshit questions and at least look after your own parents. Hopefully this should be a wake up call. I hope none of you guys wake up one day at your folk's funerals and are too late even though you deserve it."

Maybe this incident stemmed those deep thoughts on women. Or maybe it triggered memories of my mother whose flame extinguished because of lack of oxygen. But something sure did. For all those out there, a big kiss and this special dedication.

Current Music - John Lennon - Woman

On a lighter note, spotted this in Chennai

Tick Tick Two

Second post from nice climes. I think the city is in a progressive mode but people around me say everyone is waiting for the second dip post crisis. The unemployment is around 8% and the people in retail stores seem to be scrimping which as a domino effect everywhere.

After two weeks of staying in a hotel, I finally moved to a house. After living in Nizam city Hyderabad, London houses seem to be kennels. Even the 2 bhk with one storey seems to be smaller than my home in India. The size of the rooms is definitely small. I plan to stay here for maybe 2-3 months and then move into a larger house. I've become a sort of expert on how to spot and clinch the sharpest deals in rent-a-home or anything that has to be bought for that matter. I had a look at two different Indian spots - Harrow and Wembley. Conclusion - Wembley is dingy. Harrow on the hill rocks. Pinner is good. Harrow & Wealdstone are good too in some areas. Likewise some parts of Stanmore. But Wembley definitely sucked for me. Advise for Indians coming to London and looking to stay in a cosmo place with an Indian feel, don't go farther than Harrow on the hill. If I stay in London long enough, I might buy a house here but my plans are eventually to move towards California :). That place brings a smile on my face. Orange country especially. Or some obscure part of Europe. Maybe Austria. I have a feeling I will make my millions here in London.

The energy in this place is incredible. So is the diversity. East Europeans, Afghanis, apna desis, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Chinese, Africans - you name it and they exist. Its even more incredible than New York because so many live here and exhibit their creativity inspite of the discrimination supposedly prevalent. I had a mild dose of it already. I was travelling by bus around 8 in the night from King's Cross when this old man asked me in his typical Brit accent," And what the heck are you doing in my country?" I chose to ignore him for fuck's sake. But he persisted. "Answer me Paki". So I asked him with extreme politeness in my sotto voice,"Your country, is it? What's your name?" He answered something like "Stanley Jakowski". And the whole bus laughed. So that was that.

Then I saw this incredibly sensitive looking gay guy sitting two seats away on the tube. Carmine hair tied in a pony better than any girl I've seen, carmine lips and carmine eyebrows too for that matter. Incredibly feminine and sitting with perfect freedom in the train without a bother. No one gave him a second look other than my discreet stares. The freedom is just incredible to be what you want to be. And then the massive tattoo culture, run your hand through your hair styles adopted even by the bigshots on Canary Wharf, leather mischief et al. It was quite a double dose of pure oxygen.

Current Music - Gerry Rafferty - Baker Street