The Most Mis Under Estimated President

http://epaper.expressbuzz.com/NE/NE/2009/01/20/ArticleHtmls/20_01_2009_011_001.shtml?Mode=1

Honest to God I have not laughed so hard and so much in recent times...I would love Bush for this reason only :)) :)) :))

Out of the pan, into the fire

"How often the fear of one evil leads us into a worse"

I can totally relate to this.

Sign on a Tee

"France sucks. Paris swallows.."

For all those who didn't get it, maybe youtube?

I should have bought that one..shucks..

Sorry For The Crude Lingo!!

But I had an online orgasm tonite on 18th Jan listening to Gabriel Grovlez "Le Pasteur" on youtube..I never imagined it would be uploaded there..even if its a copy..I humbly request CJ Duffy to courier it to me..All expenses paid if he can lay hands on it...I've been searching, dying and finally "orgasmin" on it tonite..With Bach's Goldberg Variations and this one, I can spend the rest of moi life on an island...

I mentioned it earlier here: http://whitemagpieflights.blogspot.com/2006/09/silent-touch.html

Oh God!! Terrifying voice!!

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=ZditBc1SGYA&feature=related

Listening to him at night on the ipod is some experience..Heard this for the first time..Wot intensity!!

The Final Nail!!

One has not watched life very observantly if one has never seen the hand that - kills tenderly

So Close No Matter How Far!!

If you want the bond to hold, bite on it - free and bold.

You Know What?

It's way too easy to forgive everyone. But to forgive oneself, it's so tough. To remember that just one time which you would have given everything to change. But you went ahead and did it inspite of the realisation of the consequences. And cried at the moment of truth.

Has something like this ever happened with you? Something that still plagues the core of you?

Mushy Tag

Picked this from Arunima.

1. If your lover betrayed you what would your reaction be?
Happened once. In fact the only time I really fell in love. Went into extreme depression. Nietzsche rescued me. What didn't kill me, made me stronger. Now it wouldn't affect me. In fact I lost moi extra sensitivity after that relationship.

2. What’s it that you see in an ideal partner?
Full of enthusiasm and ability to laugh.

3. What, according to you, is the perfect date?
Shitty question.

4. Would you like to have children soon enough? Or would you wait till your mid-thirties for the first child?
I think these days children should be had between 22-26. Else, the generation gap would really widen and cause a lot of trouble. As it is, kids learn terribly fast these days and don't respect elders who cant keep up the pace.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
Yes (if it's a gurl)


6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?
Being loved by someone. You really have to be worth it to elicit such a rare feeling.


7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?
Couple of hours. If it's going to take more time, I will watch the movie alone.

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?
Move on.

9. What do you think are the foundation stones of a good relationship?
Honesty - only one stone is enough.

10. What according to you is the most beautiful thing about relationships or marriage?
Should rephrase it to good relationships or good marriage eh? Beautiful is acceptance of the crazy side of the other and persevering with it.

11. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
Owner of one of the best pubs, salon and therapy center. With a huge library to match.

12. What’s your fear?
Fade away without making a difference.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
She didn't tag me. Had nothing else to write so this is it.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Single=rich. Married=poor. What kind of a question is this? But single definitely has its plus points.

15. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?
The first.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Of course. When I love someone, its all or nothing.

17. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?
Forget yes. Forgiveness doesn't count.

18. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
Can't you be single yet in a relationship? Single in a relationship sounds great to me.

3:34 a.m. Insomnia

Well, I've am upto no good. I am in the twilight zone right now but no can sleep. Finished reading a novel, succeeded in inserting a widget on the blog, saw an utterly crap French movie called Paaprika with roomie at home (he said it's a comedy and turned out to be French soft porn) but sleep still eludes me. And no one's online. Silly of me to expect anyone on a Saturday night eh? I can't wait to return to Mumbai for the Xmas. At times like these, the devil dances on one shoulder taunting me, " What the f... made you leave Mumbai and come here?" And the Angel on the other chirps,"You very well know why you left Mumbai. Persevere."

No points for guessing who gets squeezed in between. Sometimes night time ain't the right time.

Tales of Mystery and Imagination

Brilliance personified. I've been listening to this album relentlessly. Over years. Since I turned 14. Tape. LP. CD. One of the top 3 albums I inaugurated moi Blaupunkt with on a sultry evening on the Reclamation road. Listen to both - one after the other. It's electrifying. Especially with headphones. Alan Parsons Project "Tales of Mystery and Imagination". It's based on Edgar Allen Poe.

A Dream Within A Dream - http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=VZyNKrYo9I4&feature=related

The Raven - http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=RcbWkMvMHrU&feature=related

You would not be mistaken to spot similarities to Pink Floyd. Parsons was the sound engineer for "The Dark Side of The Moon".

Double Entendre (Read: Double Encounter)

Now there have been countless jokes about the Nizam of Hyderabad and his harem of gays, right? So when I disclosed to moi friends that I am moving to Hyderabad, I was ribbed a bit (good naturedly of course).

So last Sunday I drove to Madhapur to buy a mattress. Buffett said - No sense in spending 7-8K for a mattress to be used temporarily. So I was hunting for something that would serve moi purpose and moi roomie guided me to Madhapur. I parked the car a bit away to avoid being overcharged and walked the rest to the shop on the road. There was a European couple inspecting a few mattresses. I looked at a few and couldn't make up moi mind. The business owner came over to guide me. Must be around 30-35, hefty with a typical accent. After understanding moi requirement, he pulled down a disco blue colored mattress off the shelf and proudly proclaimed,"700 rupees". Mentally I was taken aback cuz I fell in love with the color and would have paid 1500 if he would have asked me. I have no idea about the cost of things actually. And so haggle I did. In between the firang couple came in to buy the same mattress but our friend told them,"It is reserved for this young man". And winked at me. Moi antennae should have functioned then. But I was in this bargaining mood. Finally got him down to 500 with the pillow thrown in. Now I happened to hit him lightly on the back and shoulder during the 5 minutes that we bargained heatedly. So whilst I was removing cash from moi pocket to pay him, he started carressing moi chest and nipple actually. Heat coursed through moi ears and if I was a fair guy, I would surely turn bright red. Unperturbed, he asked me,"Gym jaata kya? Chest mast hain." (Do you go to the gym? Your chest is great). I laughed loudly, paid him, directed the assistant to carry the mattress to moi car and off I trudged.

Was this it? Absolutely not. What starts in the dark continues in the light, right?

So the assistant dumps the mattress in moi car. I pay him a tenner and off he goes. I sit on moi seat and am about to start the engine when I see this local cop standing in front glaring at me. He asks me outside,"Telegu?" I shake moi head. "Hindi?" I nod moi head. "Is this your car?" I say,"No. I stole it". Of course not. So I nodded. He immediately starts spewing,"Do you know there was a traffic jam from here to Kothaguda junction because you parked your car in the middle of the road?" And he starts his gestures etc etc. I looked at the car quizzically wondering if it had gone and sat in the middle of the road all by itself. Well!! He said,"Follow me to the police station". I nodded enthusiastically. His face fell. Weak case huh? So off I went driving behind him. He stops me outside the police station and asks,"Do you have the driving license? And the papers?" I nod vigorously and smile. His face fell even further. He took me inside and made me sit on the chair. At least three cops asked me what I was doing there. Meanwhile, our cop couldnt find his receipt book I think so he comes out after every 2-3 minutes, mumbles for everyone's benefit that I parked the car in the middle of the road and there was a traffic jam till Kothaguda junction. I am bored by his tirade by now so I stand up and wander into the inspector's cabin. 2 star inspector sitting on chair. I narrate moi woe quickly. By the time the cop comes again, tells the inspector about moi irresponsible parking and goes away again. 2 star gets up, walks to the door, looks right and left and comes behind me. And guess what? He runs his hand on moi butt. There was no way it could have been accidental. And then at a distance of maybe one and half feet, he asked me,"Gym jaata kya?"

WTF? I have nothing against gays and the passes they make. But the suspense was too much. No one can mistake that I frequent the gym by looking at me. He let me off finally but I am still wondering what was that line all about. All within a space of one hour was kinda too much so I made the last mistake of the night. I entered a place called Club 8 to have a drink. Oh Jesus!! Highly avoidable. Utterly decrepit music, crowd and ambience. I saw only guys dancing on the floor and wondered whether today is the day when I get done finally. I stormed out leaving half the drink, carried the mattress upstairs and plopped off.

I lived. I learned.

It's Now or Never

One day, Gopi returned from visiting a doctor about his liver problem brought on by his heavy drinking. He mournfully told his wife that he had only twelve hours to live. After wiping away her tears, he asked her to prepare him a nice dinner. Sometime later in bed, he started to make romantic overtures and his wife, with a heavy heart, dutifully responded. Three hours later. Gopi gently woke her up and said,"I only have seven more hours to live. I was thinking that maybe, you know.." She agreed. Still later, Gopi, bursting into tears, realized he had only five hours of life left. He nudged his wife and said,"Please, just once more before I die." She agreed and afterward sighed heavily, rolled over and quickly fell fast asleep. Gopi continued to hear the clock ticking away in his head until he was down to three more hours. Again he nudged his wife to wake her, and sobbing away, turned to her and said,"I only have three more hours left, could we?" his wife sat up abruptly and turned to him and said,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning, AND YOU DON'T!"

Living By Choice

All moi readers - please tell me the moral of the story :)

Raj walked up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. Adter he sat down, the bartender came over and asked for the order. Raj said, "I'll have a beer," and turned to the ostrich,"What will you have?" "I'll have a beer too," said the ostrich. The bartender poured a beer and said,"That'll be one hundred and seventy seven rupees and twenty five paise". Raj reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change. The next day, he and the ostrich came in again, and he asked for a beer. The ostrich said,"I'll have the same." Once again, he reached into his pocket and paid with the exact change. This became a routine, until late once evening, the two entered again. "The usual?" asked the bartender. "Well no, this time I'll have a big scotch," Raj said. "Same for me",said the ostrich. "That'll be eight hundred and twenty two rupees fifty paise,"said the bartender. Once again, the exact change came out of his pocket. The bartender could not hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, Sir. How do you manage to come up with the exact change from your pocket every ime?" "Well," Raj said, "several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a genie appreared and granted me two wishes. Moi first wish was that if I ever have to pay for anything, I just have to put moi hand in moi pocket and the right amount of money will always be there.""That's brilliant," said the bartender. "Most people would wish for ten crore rupees or something, but you will always be rich as you want for as long as you live." "That's right, whether for a litre of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there," said Raj. Then the bartender asked, "One other thing sir. What's with the ostrich?" He replied,"Moi second wish was for a chick with long legs."

91.1 rocks in HYD (only 9 to 11 please)

Radiocity played some awful music in Mumbai. In fact, I cribbed about it regularly to the guy who was responsible for it when we met in Toto's. But...but...after listening to RJ Gaurav (his show starts at 9 pm titled Kal Aaj aur Kal - yesterday, today and tomorrow) I have to change moi opinion. The dude rocks. He plays FANTASTIC Hindi classics, timing is great and includes some great shayari as well. I have been hooked to his show especially since I drive home between 9 to 11. He has made me long for a radio now.

"Muh ki baat jaane sabhi

Dil da dard jaane na koi"

It's a Tough World with Rays of Light

I don't recollect if I mentioned this but moi company is extra paranoid about information security. They have done something to the laptop which does not allow me to play mp3. Forget about playing, it does not allow the user to do anything once it detects the mp3 extension i.e. extract, download, play :( Likewise for all file extensions other than wma..It doesn't even allow me to copy mp3 from CD to hard drive. So the magpie was quite morose for some days.

Sunday - Went to exhibition. Bought DVD worth 200 bucks and contains 12 movies.

Monday night - Brainwave after shambhavi mudra :) Downloaded VLAN player and voila...I could at least play the movies.

After SEVEN, I saw SNATCH..Gawd!! I haven't laughed so much for ages. It was hilarious. I just LOVE the Brit accent. And the cast was fantastic. Finally slept at 3.

But I still haven't figured a way around the mp3 block...

Hyderabad Blues - I

Office - 5 minutes away.
Grocery/Restaurant/Laundry/Gynm - 5 minutes away
10 Downing Street (henceforth referred as TDS)- 30 minutes away. This ain't fair :) I miss rustic Toto or philandering Enigma. In Mumbai.

So what does a person do when he is by himself on a Friday night in Hyderabad? On sensible advice I headed towards 10 Downing Street which apparently is owned by the same folks in Pune. Hearsay. After making 3 wrong U turns and yet not finding Lifesyle (which houses TDS) a man has to ask for directions. After a tough 2 minute Telegu Hindi mix conversation with a watchman liberally spersed with pantomime antics, it finally sunk that I had to travel to the end of the road under the flyover and then take a Uturn instead of midway. Phew!!

I am about to enter TDS when the bouncer says "Couples only". ??? Is that so? Since when? Why? The bouncer repeats in a monotone "Couples only"..Someone sensible intervenes and after an obviously visible up-down look from moi face to jacket and boots, nods in moi favor. Another Phew. It was pretty early or so I thought at 9.30 pm. Not mucho crowd. I am instructed to sit by the bar (haha). As if it's a punishment. That would be moi choice anyway, right? There is an uncle sitting 2 seats away and another guy who is ogling at everyone who comes inside (yours truly included). After a round of JD, I hear a muted "Excuse me" from behind. I turned around and saw the guy pretending as if he didnt say anything. I am about to turn back when he said "Hi". A hi in return. Silence. I wondered what that was all about. It started filling up after 15 minutes. Nice crowd. Mix of uncles, aunties, mid 20s, mid 30s and I am the stud types. Ate the over-priced mutton seekh kabad, drowned it with another JD and called it a night by 11.

On moi way back, somewhere between Begumpet and Jubilee hills, there was a police road check testing the drivers breath for the obvious. Haha..This could be tricky. I wasnt sure whether moi 2 large ones would qualify me for being drunk. I do know for sure that the police have no concept of permissible limit here. Time to give it a whirl. The cop asks me to lower the window and blow into the device. I blow to the right of the device once. The cop mutters something in Telegu. I put on moi most irritable look and say "What" insolently. One more time Sar. I blow it sideways once more. He waves me on and I am home. That wasn't too bad. I wonder if I can do something like this in Mumbai but I dare not take more chances like this. I had the most interesting encounter with the cops and a mattress owner in Madhapur but that is for another post.

Hail CJ

A few minutes back I mentioned to Enemy of the Republic that I envy her and I wish I could freak out over something..Famous last words. The next blog I visited was CJ's Utility Shed. Read this one: Trailer Trash It shook a little of moi gestalt. After a long long time, something moved. Within. Hail CJ.

India's Response to Carnage?

India needs a Golda Meir. Period.
http://www.amazon.ca/Striking-Back-Olympics-Massacre-Response/dp/0786172983
The Mossad tracked down every one of the terrorists over a 30 year period and killed each one of them.
This is what needs to be done.
And this is simply awesome:
http://palestinefacts.org/pf_1967to1991_entebbe.php

Hau!!

I landed in Hyderabad on Sunday. The airport is fabulous. Is quite international than most. After the initial super impression, I moved to the city. The last three days have been so low. I haven't yet received the ID, laptop, phone etc. from moi organization. Spent the last few days playing table tennis wearing a visitor's badge. Kicked everyone's butt bigtime. Finally someone ventured to ask me a question,"Excuse me, are you an employee of xxx?" I said,"Yeah, they recently hired me as a table tennis coach". A big gryn which indicated,"No wonder this bugger is kicking our butt". People are so trusting. I had a momentary qualm but let it go. I need some small kicks to pass the time. By the time he figures I am in the Sales and Strategy team, it's going to be too late.

People are quite polite. I felt like a New Yorker visiting Nashville. The only stain on the so far clean canvas is the rickshaw guys. I feel like I am bargaining for vegetables. Sigh! Another week and moi car should be here.

Anyone in Hyderabad please holler. I need company...