Whiplash

Last evening I was chilling at home with some friends. One of the girls decided to go to a nearby store to buy some juices and food. In Hyderabad, I live in one of the neatest residential areas and would like to swear by its safety and unconditional comfort. Till yesterday.

She called me up on my cell on her way back to check whether we needed anything else. And then she screamed and cut the phone. Befuddled, I called her back to hear her panting and abusing in rage, "Bastard. Assole. Mad******. I will fucking kill you". All this from someone whom I have not known to utter even the mildest abuse in jest. Absolutely prim and proper lady. I knew some bad shit happened. She yelled again,"These two bastards molested me and one is running in the direction of your house". And with that I could hear her running again.

By then the other two girls in the house knew something was wrong. We ran to the basement, got the car out and went in her direction. All in 120 seconds. On our way we would see one person running in our direction. I veered the car in his direction. Even while I was driving, the girl next to me opened the door to slam dunk him. The bastard somehow sidestepped the door and ran on. I stopped the car in the middle of the road and followed. Cursed my cigarrettes but the will was strong and made up for the stamina. Caught him after a 300 metre chase. Thrashed the shit out of him. By then the girls caught up with us including my friend who was molested by him and his friend. She was talking on the phone while coming down the road whilst these two vermin were coming in the opposite direction. The street lights went off at that moment and one of the two squeezed her breast. And continued to walk as if nothing happened and just casually turned to see her reaction. My friend said all her thinking stopped. She saw red. Felt dirty. Bloodhot. And ready to kill. She ran after him screaming at his friend to stop him from getting away. And then when she saw them running in opposite directions, she called me.

The girls drew their sandals. My friend had turned into a mad hatter. By then a crowd gathered and joined in the fray. I let the guy have it in full throttle. He was a carpenter. A 16 year guy from Delhi who came to Hyderabad to work with his uncle. He looked 25, big and strong. I could sense the strength flowing through his blood while I thrashed him. It was only the my anger and adrenalin coupled with his fear that allowed me to kick his ass. And in such situations, I guess that is what matters. The guy who ran away was 16 too. He got the bashing of his life till the cops arrived which was a cool 30 minutes. We took the cops and the guy to his house to pick up the other vermin but he had escaped. Frustrated, we returned to the police station and filed a complaint. Let me tell you - the cops have a different way of kicking butt. The sound emitted from his throat had a different quality to it from the one on the streets. We didn't feel sorry for what we did. 16 years or otherwise. These are the guys if unchecked who go on and rape 5 year olds. The senior inspector told me they would catch the other guy by midnight.

We returned home, played some scrabble to relieve her trauma. A Breezer helped her. Anything stronger and she would have been knocked out. Her family's reaction to it was even more traumatic which pissed me off even more. Blew my top. I asked her and a couple of other girls to sleep over for her to avoid post traumatic stress and her pathetic inlaws. Her husband came over and stayed too. My hands shake in anger even as I write this.

Current Music: Behemoth - Be Without Fear

It's time

And so the countdown has finally begun. There are no upheavals, parting thoughts or pandering of emotions within at the thought of leaving India. Nothing repressed within either {to satisfy the psychologist in you ;)}. I am excited with the prospect of everything new in every hour of my life. I knew most parts of US like the back of my hand but the EU and UK are unchartered territories even though I've been there a few times. It would have been Australia but certain powers made sure that it was not that down under :).

Unofficially I have become an immigration attorney after exploring the various routes of entering a country. Also on the relocation and negotiation front. The long tryst has itself been a fulfilling experience. But mostly, my faith in the power of the mind has moved to another level. If you think of something with an intensity to block everything else out, it happens. Churning out that intensity requires raising of your energy levels on one hand and a real desire on the other. A lot of times we desire something real badly. But the desire is on a diminishing curve. It vanishes if you do not get the object in a few time frames. Raising of the energy levels is something not meant for the blog. One of the times I wanted something for real was way back in 2000. I remember wishing on my favourite tree of the desire to go to the US for a selfish reason. The desire was all consuming rattling its way through my mental and physical circuits till I was breathing it. It was almost prana. And it happened leading me to enjoy the culmination of my desire. I hadn't explored the power within that strongly earlier in my life. I wish I had though. Similarly this time I had lengthy conversations within whether I really wanted to go and once that was decided, everything else just fell into place.

Its about knowing what you really want and wanting it for real. So while it's been an exciting life so far in the land of mystery, I am equally kicked about what's next. I've made some swell friends over here and hopefully I shall meet some in moi travels. Thank you for all your good wishes. Each one counted for making it happen.

Current Music: Pete Rock & C. L. Smooth - They Reminisce Over You (one of my top 5 hip hop)

Running Thoughts

Tears fall from eyes created with tender love
Heart moved developed by my maker above
Inspiring life of a long lost friend
Another soul giving sharing praying it will never end
Barrier of distance or age in time
Gives no thought to a friendship so sublime

The Last Mile

Parting is always difficult. Especially if you have spent sufficient time with each other. Feelings tend to develop on their own. It might be due to the human tendency to get used to any shit if you stay in it for some time. It's not very different from The Stockholm Syndrome. You only need to recognize what's happening in your life across every valuable relationship. These days the company you work for is an integral part of your life since 2 out of 3 people spend long hours in office, take work to home and access emails via the phone. Hence, it's very necessary that you enjoy what you do and look forward to it every day. Else...

It's my penultimate day in the office. It's business as usual from outside but the inside is a different thing altogether. It struck me that even if things would have been different between me and the management here, it wouldn't have been a joyful journey for me. A word of advice for the seekers - if you want to join one of the Big 5 whether in IT, Consulting or BPO, do not join at the middle management. Either join right at the top or at the lowest position. It is much more satisfying workwise and you don't have to constantly duck the big swinging dicks in the organization. Or keep a constant watch on your sharky peers or the level below you which keeps nipping at your feet waiting for you to slip up. It's much better working in a midcap or a small niche firm where you really can unleash your entrepreneurial skills even on a small budget. My mentor in the previous organization had warned me - 'Why do you want to be a small fish in a big pond? Rather be a big fish in a small pond'. Politically I am as subtle as a bull in a china shop and if you are not savvy, its impossible to grow at a fast pace. Plus, these games take a toll on you emotionally as well. I think he knew me better than I know myself.

I can't deny that there have been lessons learnt the hard way - Career warfare for instance. I learnt the basics first hand with some of the meanest bosses and colleagues in my worklife so far. It will be very handy for me going ahead. I don't aim to use any of those tactics to cut anyone down but it will be useful to see them coming and take appropriate measures. Second - I learnt what works and what doesn't in a big company. Third but not the least - Don't waste your time in things you know are not going to work. Don't give up. Keep your head down in adversity, keep plugging away and good things will happen if you are sincere enough. It did to me at least.

I hope to leave on a good note. At times, the mind rues the fact that I wasted a few months of my life but my excitement of a fresh start eclipses the negativity.

Current music: Jimmy Cliff - I Can See Clearly Now

The Economic Tizzy

And now airlines are demanding a bail-out in UK and Europe for their losses due to the ash cloud. The ash cloud not only sent their balance sheets in a tizzy but also affected the retail, storage, transport and other sectors. The domino effect of the stoppage of air traffic will extend to other verticals easily. The global environment seems to be worsening by the minute. All verticals are interconnected and any unpredictability like the cloud is adding to the woes caused already by the sub-prime crisis. In a nutshell, my line of work entails wooing financial services firms to offshore their middle and back offices to our delivery centers. I am responsible for growing top line revenues. The growing uncertainty across industries is causing havoc to the balance sheets. We are constantly visiting the drawing board to do the snips and edits for forecasts as well as looking at ways to shave costs. For e.g. In capital markets, I target the global custody, asset management and hedge funds quite heavily as the scale of business will come from that sector. But if you look at the sector across US, EU and UK, a lot of banks are looking to exit the low margin custody business as they are unable to support the growing technology requirements warranted by increasingly anal investors and regulators. The focus has obviously moved to the asset side of the balance sheet for the insurers too. Though a lot of people may act like optimists and see the glass as half full, the hard truth is no one can put a hand over their heart and predict anything about the next two years. You can actually see CEO's and CFO's shitting bricks in earnings calls while providing estimates. Can't blame them really but I believe the worst is yet to come.

I was dreaming last night and somehow the economy came into picture and I thought - Going forward, would mergers & acquisitions be possible across countries? :) Perhaps the US or a Middle East country could offer to buy Iceland or some other small country which is in deep shit and solve its immediate latent problems. Though this looks outrageous, 2011 and 2012 could very well see something of this sort happening across the lines. I get some dirty ideas, I tell ye.

Current Music: Pink Floyd - Money

Dilemma

After many days I am sitting late in the office. I've got an offer to migrate to another country but am not sure about the moolah. I am debating whether to take the plunge and figure it out later or negotiate. The risk is that the negotiation may go the wrong path and I might lose the opportunity. There is a trade off here on both sides. The plus side - Very few companies go through the pain of sponsoring a candidate from India and this one chose me over the local candidates. They loved me, period. The could be flip side - They might be short changing me on the CTC and I am not sure of that. A few mentors said that is the price I may have to pay for getting the opportunity to do what I am good at (i.e. sales) and I could look at the upswing a year down the line. I agree with moi mentors but umm. A one day research doesn't help. I'll flip a coin tonight and decide.

BTW, I had a chat with the father of Indian BPO (you can easily find out who he is from Google). One of my ex-bosses met him and casually referred me to him. It was simply amazing and needless to say he made me an offer. My only qualm is that I have been doing these things since the last 6 years and they don't challenge me any more. It's showtime actually and I want to lead from the front. So I am going to have to do a polite refusal. Sigh. A few years ago I would have cut my little finger's nail to work with him.

And then there is another super duper company which is in love with me too. But the CEO needs two weeks to get back to me as he needs to create that appropriate profile. From a career perspective, this company is the best fit for me supposing I get the onsite role. But I am in a quandary. The first company needs an answer right away. Would it be morally right to accept their offer and then chuck it if the super company offers me a role as well? I would hate to let someone down but this is a question of my career. I feel this is an inflection point and whatever I do now will be a quantum leap in either direction depending on the move. Moi heart tells me to go ahead with whoever showed confidence in me for an onsite role but my mind tells me to wait and watch.

Any suggestions?

BTW, I think I am getting good at interviews. Talking to 6 and getting 6 offers is good eh..If things work out, I'll have to make one last trip to aamchi Mumbai and then vamoooose next month.

Current Music: The Cranberries - When You're Gone

Living In My Father's Eyes

One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.

One of the things that bogs me a lot is the lack of communication with my Dad. I was scared of him in my entire childhood. I could get whacked for any reason till I was ten years old. This was pretty normal in most Indian households I think where the children were scared of their father. I guess that planted a lot of resentment against him too which automatically turned into rebellion by the time I grew up. And later manifested into lot of other crap which I realise now. As Emma Thomspon says - "Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening." In my case, there was a total absence of communication than the usual daily talk. He played the role of a father in terms of earning the money and making sure we had the requisite required for education, food and the basic necessities. I held it against him as I grew up for all the things he denied my mother, me and my sister without giving any reason. I learnt not to communicate as well like him inspite of my mother's best efforts. Like I said, the seeds of dissent, anger etc for him were sown in childhood along with the natural love that we have for our parents.

And then after ma died a few years back, he changed completely. He took over the role of my mother. The man who never even ironed his hankerchief was now making food and packing tiffins for me. The man who never ever asked me - how was school - now started asking me about my daily life. The man who didn't get up from his bed when I came home early morning with a broken knee now started fretting if I coughed a little. Made onion soup if I had a cold and stuff like that. The man who never lifted a hand now actually called me on my cell (just like that) to know if I am doing okay. It's not that I was not grateful but I started putting up a barrier for what I regarded as an interference into my life. I was completely unused to this. It wasn't until recently when I read "Dumbing down our kids" by Charles Sykes that there was a shift in my thoughts. And feelings. Especially the point he made about parents - "Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room." That actually choked me a little especially since it threw up memories of my Dad wearing the same pair of pants, shoes and what not for years. Stretching the perfume bottle for more than it was meant to be. I'm sure there were countless other things which I didn't even notice and which I will never know. I guess our folks grew up and brought us up the way they were by their parents. They didn't know different. Just because I have the awareness and exposure today to different things in life doesn't make it fair to judge the way they brought us up. All I am saying is that it created a complete shift in me; in my attitude and behaviour towards him.

It's not that I don't get irritated or pissed off with some of his habits. It's just that my responses now include a lot of love and care. A lot of let go. And my feedback if any is accompanied with a smile and a gentle touch. We still don't communicate the way we should in an ideal world but both of us know that the other knows and is equally gung-ho about that effort of making up for lost time. I am probably never going to say 'I love you' to him. It would embarrass us both to death but the communication between us is much better and freer than I could have imagined earlier. For the rest of his years with us (in case he kicks the bucket before me), I plan to make them as full of everything he sacrificed while 'growing' us up. I don't want to ever have to sing the song that Mike & The Mechanics sang in the nineties.

Current Music: Mike & The Mechanics - The Living Years

Just an Update

I chucked the Bangalore opportunity. I can't work with a company that has no respect for a person's time. After eons, they sent across an offer. I was working on something online when their email popped up. I emailed back - 'Not Interested'. Their HR head called up and yada yada. Well - we are not in the excuses business, are we? If this is their working style, I shudder to think what I would probably have to get used to if I join. I explained this without any sweetener to her which probably miffed her a little. The practice head called me in the next 5 minutes - "Why did you reject the offer? We can negotiate." I said we could negotiate on the CTC but not on my time. I wouldn't like to work for a company that sends an offer 40 days after I have met them.

But I think it's all for the best. I am in talks with some interesting folks from the industry. Even if something doesn't materialize according to my objectives, this itself was a great learning experience. After all, it's not everyday you get to talk to the Father of Indian BPO, isn't it? The point is everyone likes me, my work and wants me to join them but some nice juicy carrots would be nice.

I met another pioneer from the industry today. It's interesting that after you reach a certain level, the talks revolve around trends and opportunities rather than what you have mentioned in the CV. I was telling him about the changing market, window of opportunity and what his company needs to do to capture the chunky slices of the pie. It was almost like a family discussion in choosing a bride for the son. He asked me to give him two weeks to create a role for me. Sigh!!

The mercury is going to kill someone here methinx. 44 degrees celcius :o You can feel the hot air when you take a deep breath at 6 am in the balcony. I've got to take some tips from the native Hyderabadis. Thank God for the pool. Amongst everyone, I must be the one spending the maximum time inside. I've learnt swimming the right way though :) Wow..Didn't know its so easy. Reminded me of the time I learnt to cycle. And other firsts.

The rains went berserk on Friday. In the 30 minutes it took me from Madhapur to my place, I saw a tree topple in front of me, a traffic police stand fall over another car and two motor cyclists taste the earth. Zero visibility added to the woes. I almost ran over the 2 motorcyclists. And Bruce Dickinson was going wild inside with Power Slave. It was awesome. The fury of the rain.

Current Music - Iron Maiden - Power Slave

It's Your Life

On a certain day, a lady went to sleep. In her sleep, she had a dream. In her dream, she saw a hunk of a man standing there, staring at her and he started coming closer, closer, closer. She could even feel his breath. She trembled - not in fear - and asked, "What will you do to me?" The man said, "Well lady, it's your dream."


Whatever you are is created by you.


Current Music: The Cranberries - Dreams

If

Tag from Ria


If I were a month, I'd be March

If I were a day of the week, I'd be Wednesday

If I were a time of day, I'd be 4.30 a.m.

If I were a season, I'd be deep winter.

If I were a planet, I'd be Jupiter

If I were a sea animal, I'd be a whale

If I were a direction, I'd be East (what else)

If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a swing

If I were a liquid, I'd be mercury

If I were a tree, I'd be a peepal tree

If I were a tool, I'd be a knife

If I were an element, I'd be copper

If I were a gemstone, I'd be diamond

If I were a musical instrument, I'd be a drum

If I were a color, i'd be gold

If I were a emotion, I'd be lust (that longing with no end)

If I were a fruit, I'd be a seedless black grape

If I were a sound, I'd be the strains of sitar

If I were a car, I'd be a Audi

If I were food, I'd be a salad

If I were a taste, I'd be tangy

If I were a scent, I'd be citrus

If I were a pair of shoes, I'd be boots
And if I were a bird, I'd be a white magpie
 
I tag Lalitha and Chimera
 
Current Music: Janet Jackson - If

The Taj and Kasab

Sometimes justice is strange. I correct myself. Justice IS strange. Finally after spending millions of rupees on Kasab, they pronounce him guilty. Why does it take so long to send someone to the chair or the noose? Especially in such an open situation. I was reading the book on the Taj shooting incident. So many details will never see the light of the day to maintain the victims privacy. A lot of women were raped by the terrorists right in front of their husbands and other hostages. Apart from the trauma of being raped, this must have affected the mental balance of a lot of people - the women, the husbands and the helpless spectators. The women for obvious reasons. The husbands for being mute spectators. And the other men for being men in the figurative sense. Not to mention the children. Ultimately, no one can be sure of his courage till the day of their death. I have no idea of what I would do in such a situation as its easy to opine once the moment has passed but it would be very difficult to live afterwards if I were a mere spectator. It isn't easy making that kind of choice in that high voltage situation with your kids being present perhaps. I am just thinking out loud here.

We need special courts to mete justice at super speed so the victims don't have have to prolong their ordeal. Or a repeat of the nineties where the cops were given a free hand to clean up the streets completely.

 

Current Music: Deicide - Once Upon The Cross

Just an update

It's quite irritating that the company has blocked access to blogger. I can access my dashboard and post a post but cannot view it. How weird can you get? Any jugad, folks?

Last night was a miracle. The temperature dipped so much that I actually got up a couple of times to check if the aircon was not on by mistake. And now the mercury is back to it's naughty self. I've been swimming regularly for the last two weeks. I can mercifully swim 'over' water now. Over the last few years I was able to swim under water only. And guess what was the problem with my not being able to swim normally like other mortals? I didn't know the breathing technique - breathe in through your mouth and out through the nose. Wullah - and to think I wasted so much time. But it's quite embarrassing and motivating at the same time to see tiny tots swimming like fishes. Such ease. Er..and the mermaids too. That reminds me of this 4-5 year young chipmunk who comes to swim everyday with his mum and/or Dad. Well, we got to know each other in the pool - IPL right? The other day I was chatting with this little fella on the parapet of the pool about something and his ma rushed in at the same time. Traditional Telugu that she is though she dresses quite modern - but traditional all the same. So traditional that she is, she averted her eyes at the sight of mee in my wee trunks and spoke to me haltingly with the eyes roaming everywhere but my bod. We had just dispensed the hi, hello, where's Mohan (her hub) et al and she was getting used to the idea of talking to a man in trunks when her monkey sneaked from behind and pulled my trunks down. Hello - I was zapped but I pulled my trunks up and collapsed in mirth. It was so funny that I had to actually dive deep inside to stop the laughter. I swear this dusky lady went pink to her ears if that was possible. I took a swipe at the kid before jumping in the pool while she started shouting at him in Telugu. All this happened quickly in a few seconds but that broke the ice. LoL..I don't know if she told her hubby about this but we were pretty cool the next time. Damn - these kids are too naughty. And full of life. I can't imagine me doing something like this when I was 4.

BTW, I was checking ebay.in to get an idea about Indrajal comics. They are being auctioned at 400 rupees each and more :o I have around 200-250 at home. Didn't realise I had so much money ;) lying in the carton. And I know where to get more at a handsome price too. Not that I am planning to sell any. Nevah.

I might go on a trip to North sometime next month. I wanted to see Delhi, Agra and Jaipur since a long time. The Himalayas will have to wait I guess for sometime. There is something else cooking bigtime on the fire but I will tell ya once it's cooked fully.

 

Current Music: Jordy - Dur Dur D'etre Bebe

Helping Hands Are Better Than Praying Lips

Just returned with a terrible mindfuck from the canteen. I saw a guy return his lunch plate to the dishwasher with the entire cucumber as leftover. Another didn't think before wasting half of his rice. Bastards!! I had half a mind to sock the ignorant turds. Cucumbers form an integral part of my 3 meals. In fact, cucumbers and tomatoes form THE meal for me at times. This is not about cucumbers. This is about FOOD. It doesn't matter whether you are a vegan or a non vegan. Something DIED so you could fill your stomach and satiate your hunger. A little bit of awareness could help us walk a lot more softly on this planet. Eat with a little love and gratitude.

Please DO NOT WASTE food - If you have a function/party at your home in India and food gets wasted, don't hesitate to call 1098 (only in India). It's not a Joke. It's a child helpline. They will come and collect the food. Please circulate this message which can help feed many children.

Current Music: Deep Forest - Marta's Song

Munich

BTW, I recently saw "Munich" and I was stunned by the Israeli spirit. Golda Meir was one hardcore lady. No taking sides but you have to appreciate what you are lucky to see. I especially liked how they left it halfway in the end.

Current music: Joe Cocker - Different Roads

Hey dude

The frivolity is starting to get to me. Bigtime. No point in keeping the monster in the closet and pretend all is gay. Too much of the energy is going in schizophrenia. I can't kid myself anymore that it doesn't matter and all will be well. Like my ex-boss told me the last time I met him - Comes a moment when all you have left is sap for one good loving and courage for one good fight. Don't waste the loving on a whore or the fight on a paper tiger. I'm going to give it one last mighty shot. I have no choice but to go within and find the discipline to make all that matters better. This is my prime time and its now or never. It can't get later than this.

Well even the longest night won't last forever
But too many hopes and dreams won't see the light
And all of the plans I make won't come together
Something in the air
Maybe for the only time in my life
Something in the air

Turning me around and guiding me right
And it's a prime time, maybe the stars were right
I had a premonition, it's gonna be my turn tonight
Gonna be my turn tonight

This is for a new dawn: Paul McCartney - Little Willow

Its a Clockwork Orange

What's left of love if she no longer makes you feel like a man? If she no longer feels like a woman with you? That familiarity has bred a partnership instead of a union. A friendship instead of fusion. The lust has disappeared to be replaced with duty. The relationship is queer as a clockwork orange. Nothing left to chase and nothing left to choose. The search for something new or exciting commences. Something that will make you come out of your skin. Like drinking gourd juice first thing in the morning. And the abyss gets deeper. You dream more than you live. Smile more instead of hate. Wish more than you give. And the wishing with no direction gets fizzled in the air like soda.

Current music: Alan Parsons Project - A Dream Within A Dream

Bangalore Travels

I winded up the interview in 45 minutes and had the entire day to myself. Senior management interviews winding up in 45 minutes worried me a little but the company is a solid one. Besides they gave me a Innova for the entire day to get a feel of Bangalore. Sort of pushy but I wasn't complaining about anything. I tried calling someone I wanted to meet but the phone went unanswered twice. So I called up someone whom I hadn't met for two years and met only once in my life in Mumbai. Ha ha. Of all the people I know in Bangalore and have known for years in my life, I don't know why I chose that one. And wonders of wonders. My friend had recently changed jobs and was in the same building. This has got to be synchronicity. There is no other word for this. We met and chatted for close to an hour. Exchanged its, bits and puffs :( And I went on to Commercial District recommended to be a nice place for idling moi engine. I could immediately see that this was not a place you ever went with girls. Even though you may not buy anything but I could probably guarantee that the girls will easily spend hours just rummaging through the stuff. Sort of like Fashion Street in the glory days.

Gobbled some juicy guavas after ages. Road side food to fill the tummy. Bought a few books too (guiltily). The job is in the bag actually. The HR person called me today regarding the offer. I am still in contemplation mode. Hyderabad has grown on me. I love the wide infrastructure, lack of pollution, value for money and the cuisine even though the social scene at times stifles moi spirit. Even the people are growing on me a little. The simplicity. Perhaps I am a wall on which anything can grow but that's how it is. I have another week to ponder about this. The company is really after moi butt to take this up and I haven't even started the negotiation process yet. Perhaps they can sense me waver.

I'm just writing for the sake of it right now.

Current music: Aakhri Alvida

"What was left of soul, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop?..."

Insomnia lead

I saw "Insomnia" over the weekend. Nothing spectacular about the movie. Al Pacino and Robin Williams doing their usual thing and Hillary Swank looking feminine for a change. What was spectacular was that it was shot in Alaska. Anchorage and nearby locations. I think any damn thing in this world can trigger memories. Looking at the sheer, mind numbing depth of Alaska's beauty brought me memories of a dear dear friend from Anchorage. A magnificient lady living with her husband in a nice cottage, shooting moose for food :) and enjoying life. I connected to her in the early years of my internet chatting life. I no longer chat like earlier but a few friends I made in that March of 2000 are still in close touch though communication has been on and off. Unfortunately, not this one. I lost touch with her in 2007. Realised it in 2008 when I was cleaning my inbox and read one of her 2002 emails. I am a sucker for old stuff and deleting emails from people I cherish is a big no-no. I shot an email to her address and got a bounce. Numerous bounces to her different email addresses. That got me worried. This was a lady who used to paint and write on me (nuts methinx) and me just losing touch in the black vaccuum was unforgiveable. So I delved a little deeper into the internet (thank god for internet). A reverse search, a secret directory search, alaska news search, vehicles database etc. and voila. I found her home number listed in her husband's name. The point is I read in one of the news posts that a person with her husband's name died in a freak accident last year. Not sure if he is the same person but there's a possibility. The dilemma is 'Should I make that call?' and 'What do I say after all these years?' (ashamed). And moreso 'How the fuck did I get the number?' Okay, the third part might be forgiveable since she knows my twisted mind well.

I think I will make that call. At least I won't wonder through my life of what could have happened and regret not making that call. And I plan to visit Alaska in my next trip to US. Awesome is not the word to describe it. Look at her house pic amidst the density.

And then during the peak snow.

Alaska is definitely next. It would be a sacrilege to miss it just like not visiting the Himalayas inspite of being born in India.

Current music: Bette Midler - Wind Beneath My Wings

The Tiger's Tail

You remember that Kylie Minogue song, "Can't get you out of my head"? I hated that song. That tune stuck to my head inspite of me not liking it. And it was played at every damn discotheque in those days. Some people are like that. You would like to forget them but the more you try, the farther you reach from success. Letting go doesn't work either. What's the point of keeping away from them if they are going to be in your head all the while? It's better to stay connected and get mind fucked than stay away with the same result. Riding the tiger by the tail is not good sometimes.

Yes, it's U whom I am talking about here.

Current music - Tony Rich Project - Nobody Knows