Tick Tock - The mind goes

So obviously I am still at work. I am allowed to post but cannot surf blogspot. How weird can a firewall be?

The grass always seems greener on the other side, right? Well, I know it, you know it and everybody else along with us. But still you sometimes can't help and wonder - What if? And then the mind starts dragging you to Aladdin's cave to those delicious memories kept hidden and covered. To tread on those with trepidation and childish delight. Laugh and feel the wonderglow at the same time. Tears too. Everything seems deep. You tend to miss the sorrow too. How much shittier can you get? Thankfully, I don't let that happen in complete awareness but once in a while the mind slips through my defence. And if I am coincidentally improving the house that Bud built, it gets into more of the quicksand, mush and maudlin.

Obviously, it happened recently and so I am writing about it. Not the contents though. Sometimes the mind pulls out a memory which even your sub-conscious has forgotten and it's almost like living it altogether again with the same amount of wonder. But I am appalled with the mind for a reason. At times these days, I can't control what I forget. Maybe Verve's Bittersweet Symphony would fit the music this time, but I remember one even better.

Current Music: Johnny Hates Jazz - Turn Back The Clock

Killer time

Actually I want to write so much but all the inspiration strikes me when I am extremely comfortable on the bed in the middle of the night or post-ablution nirvana in the loo. I wish I could record my thoughts on some energy tablet and post it on blogger. Till man invents something like this, I guess I am the irregular period :)

Current Music: Alan Parsons Project - Time

Man going mental!!

For once I dont feel like going home today. Just a downer of a phase and I am hanging around in the office.

2010 has got off to a bad start for me. I was in Mumbai for 7 days. Lost my phone - 20K. Then had some unimaginable sudden huge expenditure - 64K. And on the same day of return, the car's fuel injection system crashed - 8K. And now the office is trying to drive me insane - priceless. The peace I mean. Thank God for yoga. Shambho Shambho!! The silver lining was my sis gifting me the same cell phone the next morning to maintain continuity. Raksha bandhan ka karzaa chukaya usne.

But net net I have to get out of here quickly. The office I mean. Permanently. Just coming to work gives me ulcers now. The bile is killing moi throat.

And in the midst of all this crazy shit, nostalgia troubles me. People, you know, never change :)

Current music: Thomas Newman - Revolutionary Road

Be Straight!!

Well, thank God for blogs. Or whoever started them. At least its an outlet to let loose your thoughts. Somedays they take the form of poetry and sheer creativity. On other days they are venomous. And yet some other days are bland like noodles. Whatever form they take, all that is reflected is the writer's current mental state at that particular time. Unless of course, he or she has written it and posted later. And I am no different. Usually it is typing something in a notepad, pasting it in the blog, a little bit of formatting and voila. No elaborate preparation or thoughts go into it. Unless I am looking for specific feedback which I have done a couple of times during the early blogging days.

I am learning to cook these days. And immensely enjoying it. Just the possibility of the taste altering by different usage and quantity of spices excites me. Not to mention the amount of experimentation which can go into making an omlette. Too bad I don't know the English names for some of the things I use or I could whip up a nice recipe here.

So far in my life I have never "prepared" for anything. Prepared as in done the groundwork, analysis, elaborate thought process and pain to achieve the end result. And this is true in everything I have done so far - relationships, work, education, growing up, health, wealth and everything else. I've never laid the groundwork for pataoing a girl. I've never sown the seeds for working on what I want to do in my life. I've never done adequate batting for impressing my boss. I've never done the necessary thing to amass wealth. Ditto for education. It has all been a pure gut feel so far. And it has served me well in about 70% of my life changing decisions so far. And the other minor ones too. Today I feel that for being capable of handling anything in your life, you need to invest that time and effort. At least in the early portion of life which decides what happens to you later. For causing a change in what you want and getting the result, immense planning and focus is necessary. Only then something will flower. Decide what you want and go completely after it. And this insight came to me via cooking. These days I am taking a shot at doing all the things I used to hate earlier.

No point in rueing about how some of the things in life have turned out so far but like cooking, I have set across to strengthen myself and invest in time to lay those bricks which will hold my building ready later down in life.

A very poignant and immensely powerful sentence consisting of two words was shared with me - "Be Straight". The first was in one of Jaggi Vasudev's books. The other by a very close yet so far person. It is extremely important to be completely straight with yourself in what you want at any juncture in life. No dicing, dithering, beating around the bush, refusing to accept whats in your face, covering the unsaid and so on. And it can be anything in life - money, sex, love, fame, spirituality et al. As long as you are honest that this is what you want and willing to pay whatever the price, you will go end up getting completely screwed in the latter stages. Entangled. Confused. Schizophrenic. And too late for anything.

Current Music: Pink Floyd - What do you want from me?

The Runaway Train

Have you ever known people whom you have never met in person but who have affected you deeply and then disappeared completely? It could be via chat, phone or anything else. I am not talking only about love affairs here. Rather I would exclude those from this subject right now. And those are always the intelligent ones with a really mad streak which you can detect at times during the conversation. That really attractive mad streak. I was recently reading "Timepass" - a sort of autobiography of Protima Bedi (Pooja Bedi's mother and Kabir Bedi's ex-wife). What a mad utterly bold character. She reminded me of this lass from Texas whom I used to chat with in the early internet days, ex-girlfriend of one of the band members of Lynnrd Skynnrd and partly working with the US army. She had that fiery streak, that unpredictability which I could sense even across the modem, that insanity as part of her regular personality which was quite intriguing. Suddenly one day she left her boyfriend of 5 years telling him he bored her, packed her bags and went to UK. Fucked around quite a bit, came back and shifted to Seattle. Got deep into massage therapy, a little bit of shamanism, fucked around a lot again, came back for sometime to her parents in Texas for some healing and got lost in Seattle again. Breaking a lot of hearts on the way. Guys absolutely besotted with her. Doing quite a bit of weird things to get her back. Ah those long write-ups. I don't know what happened to her after that. You see I lost her email password.

Protima reminded me of her yesterday. It's best not to wonder sometime.

Current music: Michael Jackson - Gone Too Soon

Confessions of a resume writer in denial

So like I mentioned earlier I think its time for me to move on. Perhaps. The doubt still lingers. To propel this thought forward, I spent considerable time making my experience docket, dribbling it with key experiences etc and finally uploaded it on a couple of mainstream job sites. A couple of days later, I got a call which went like this:

Caller (female): Hi, am I speaking to XXX?
Me: Who wants to know?
caller: I am Pooja calling from Naukri.
Thinking this to be a sales pitch for their resume services, I grumbled a little mentally but persevered to see what she said next.
Me: Yes, I am XXX. What is the context of this call?
Pooja: Sir, we came across your recently uploaded CV on our website and wanted to speak to you about it.
Me: Umm.
Pooja: Did you avail of any professional resume writing services for the CV?
Here comes the pitch. Or so I thought.
Me: Nope. I don't need any professional assistance to make a CV. I need it to find a great opportunity.
Pooja: You made it yourself?
My nose was on the grindstone by then. I hate repeating myself. Typical male trait. So with a few deep breaths, I replied:
Me: Yes.
Pooja: And did you take the help of anyone?
Me: Why so many questions about it?
Pooja: Actually when we saw this CV, we thought you are a professional resume writer. We haven't seen such a professional and creative CV in a long time.
Umm..this was interesting. So I bit my tongue.
Pooja: My Director would like to speak to you at a convenient time. Could you advise a suitable time?
Me thinking - Wow. What is this about?
Me actually: Sure. Say in 30 minutes?
Pooja: Ok. She'll call you.

After 30 minutes:
Director: Hi, this is Rashmi from Naukri. Thanks for etc. etc.
Me: Yeah thanks. Hope you are doing good etc.etc.
Director: Could you share your professional experience with me?
Me: Ok. I've done etc etc etc yada ya. Went on for 5 minutes. So that's about it in a nutshell.
Director: Wonderful. To come to the point I'd like to make you an offer. We are really impressed with your CV and the way you have put that information in a concise creative format. We wanted to ask if you would consider working for us professionally.
Me is wondering which experience in me CV is relevant to naukri.
Me: Umm. What kind of work?
Director: Would you like to join our creative team in a xx position to help aspiring individuals build better CV's?
I am tongue-tied here.
Me: Umm. But I am looking to make my career in selling offshoring services. I have no experience in your kind of work.
Director: Your CV more than speaks about your creative skills which we can use. It would be a shame to let it go waste.
Happy glow pervading all over my face.
Me: Thanks for the appreciation. But I really am focussed on making a career in sales and then my own consulting business.
After a few more tries:
Director: How about doing the CV's on a free lance basis for us in your spare time?
I let out a loud groan.
Me: It took me almost 5 days to put that thing together. And a lot of induced creativity. I don't think so.
Director: We are ready to pay xxxx per CV.
Angel on one shoulder and the devil pops on another.
Me: Thanks but it would be too much effort and I really wouldn't be doing justice to my current job or you.
Director: Please do think about this. Pooja will call you again in a few days to check with you.
Me: Sure. Thanks a ton. And wish you a good day ahead. I only hope it helps me gain entry into a good firm.
Director: I'm sure the least it will do is open doors for you but think about it. Have a good day.

WTF? What kind of a curveball was that? I put the pillow over my head and went off to sleep. It reminded me of my interview with the editor of Mid-day. I'll write about it someday later.

P.S - Names have been changed to protect identities yada yada...

Current Music: CCR: Bad Moon Rising

Late Night Encounters

I was driving home on the weekend from Whisper Valley. It's a steep climb for a kilometer or so, largely unilluminated and without a divide to add to the agony. Before this I must mention that I've narrowly missed have huge accidents on three occasions in the past week. I attribute it to the huge Chinese good luck charm that hangs from the rearview mirror and the horse shoe cufflinks I wear at times. It's not that my senses are not on alert these days. One of those phases which are unfathomable to the ordinary mind.

I put the fog lamp on for good measure 'cause sometimes even the two legged creatures who take a piss at the side and choose to cross the road in gay abandon are hard to spot at times. Halfway up the climb I suddenly noticed this puppy heading right under its glorified death - the right front wheel. I twisted the wheel in full force, slammed the brakes but couldn't escape the triple squeals - one from the victim, one from my car and the rest from the fellow road travellers. I imagined a bump too as if the tyre had passed over a small lump on the road. Fearing the worst and amidst the loud squealing and whimpering emanating below the middle of the car, I got down and tried to place the little bundle. It stood right between the rear two wheels obviously in pain but thank the lord - uncrushed in any way. I tried to hold it below its armpits and pull it out but the little bastard nipped my pinky :). Instant justice I think but I persisted in my efforts all the time making appropriate noises from my throat. This was a nice little drama in the middle of the road and some cars had by then positioned their cars with full headlights to help my case. I gave up for a couple of minutes and the puppy ceased its squealing by a couple of octaves. A couple of deep breaths and I pulled the puppy out as gently and as fast as possible before it realized that I suckered it and held it up for fresh air. It jumped right out of my arms, scrambled through the hole in the fence of a nearby garden and started howling to glory. Ach!! I parked the car next to the fence, opened the dicky and removed some of the biscuits I had bought from Hypercity. And thus started the patient wait. A few doggie whistles, a few yu yu's and I was feeling like a kid already. My heart was in my mouth though as I had seen it limp and drag itself to the garden.

10 minutes: No go.
20 minutes: The puppy went deeper into the bushes but was still in the garden.
25 minutes: I threw a few biscuits on the path leading to its hideout trying all sorts of whistles.
30 minutes: Puppy does a peek a boo, ventures out and goes right back in.
40 minutes: A loud bark and another dog gets into the garden. The puppy yelps and rushes out through the whole limping and squealing again. By now I know the fella is only scared and maybe bruised a little. I grabbed him up and gave it a hug for a few minutes.

There were these two street kids watching this whole drama unfold all this while. So I took the puppy and the kids to the nearby tea shop. The three of us had tea, the doggy had biscuits and I lit up. The doggy licked my pinkie in consolation and sat nicely ensconced in my arms. We sat this way for a while with MJ crooning "I just cant stop loving you". And then with a heavy heart I placed it back where it belonged and went my way. Smelling of dog and clothes layered with dog hair.

But felt much much lighter in the right place. Like I said in an earlier post, if you give anyone enough time and space it melts even the toughest cookie. One point at a time.

Current music: Lobo: Me and You and a dog named Boo

Time to move on

I think I am nearing the end of my stay in Hyderabad. For various reasons. Chief amongst them being not able to connect perhaps. Maybe I will move to a foreign location for some years. I am caught between Uncle Sam and EU land. What are your thoughts on the pros and cons here?

Instinct..

I saw Basic Instinct II recently. I have not yet seen the first part thinking it to be full of xxx and no story but will do it now. I could relate to Sharon's character. Hmm..
Current Music: UB40 - Higher Ground

Anonymous Comments

I hate anonymous comments. It's like the mice trying to bell a cat without any takers. They serve no purpose. At least have the daring to put your name at the end if you are strong enough to voice your opinion.

I See, I Feel, I Am

These days emotions are more fluid. The other day an emotional scene in a Hindi movie had the tears flowing freely down the cheeks. You'd probably laugh if I tell you the movie name but that's not the point here. I am getting more in tune with the colours & hues, low notes, food tastes better, am learning to cook, paying undivided attention to health and even taking a stab at understanding the boss. I laugh like a banshee. At times the body trembles to certain songs, the heart aches seeing small kids begging on the road and the mind is sing-song deep during prayer. The rage is complete too. It's no more a half hearted attempt to let loose the confines of my mind. It's full savagery but in complete control. It's also aware of desires entering the body even before they become complete thoughts and eventually actions. In short, the living's getting better.

Current Music: Clint Mansell - Lux Aeterna

Eye of the Tiger

The creativity unleashed by an artist in full flow can be spell binding and deadly to the open heart. It can complete he who is ready to receive. I was at a gallery looking at some paintings and something caught my eye. It was a single eye. Painted half lidded like a lizard's in the sun. Gold rust occupied the rest of the canvas with a thin brown frame. The impression was extremely provocative and hypnotic. To me. The hair on my nape rose and I felt a warm glow suffuse the base of my neck and spread to my ears. It went right to the top of my head. I was entranced completely. I don't know how long I looked at it but when I came out of it, I had tears in my eyes. When you are listening to the right kind of music, it makes you want to get up and dance. The right composition of notes stirs the energies within you in tandem. The painting did that to me. I rushed home in my tee and shorts to get my wallet and credit cards but guess what? In 25 minutes, it was gone. The wall stood empty as if it never existed. I wondered if it was a figment of my imagination but when I closed my eyes, it was still there. It still is.

Current Music: The Alan Parsons Project - The Time Machine

Books I have loved

I've always been a fan of Osho's books. Mightily I must add. Most people will have a firm positive or negative opinion on what Osho says however there is no denying the fact that Osho had superb communication ability and unmatched clarity. He makes the most profound concept so utterly simple to read and digest as well. I do take it with a pinch of salt sometimes.

Ironically, I first heard of Osho on the day he died. I had gone to a friend's place early morning after school. For some reasons, I still remember it was a Saturday. We laughed on hearing the news as all I knew about him was that he was involved with free sex in some way. Internally I'm sure the others were intrigued about it though no one had the balls to say it. Later on after college I chanced upon the book "The Hidden Harmony" which talks about the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus. It blew me away and hooked me onto him. All the questions piled up since childhood and unanswered by parents, teachers and other folks dropped like dead leaves in autumn. At one time, I regretted of not being able to meet him while he was alive. Also, my research on him took me to some sordid tales of sex, money and the negative side of Osho. Of course everything is hearsay and I am in no position to judge on the positive or negative side of Osho. Frankly, if I visit a doctor and his medicine works for me, I don't care whether he is a gay, transsexual, gambler, lech or any other cetegory. I am not into morals. It's the medicine that matters to me. Likewise about Osho. I visited Koregaon park with a feeling of deep awe and expectation of something ethereal. And landed hard thankfully on both feet. I think any place loses its essence with the departure of the master. It's only a prop now or at best a resort sort of place to visit for some time. I did try visiting it a few times more to give it another chance to make a first impression but it didn't change anything. However, it did result in me buying heaps of his books which are really deep and visionary.

Recently, I finished reading his "The Secret of Secrets". Mind blowing clarity. Similary in my quest of someone who would hit me deeply without my knowing, I came across "Mystic Musings" by Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev. He reminds me a lot of Osho but he is original. His ways are more orthodox than Osho's which attract me for the very reason. And the one quality in any person which impresses me more than anything else: clarity. It's crystallized within him. I had the good opportunity to meet him thrice and he got me deep. "Mystic Musings" is unlike anything I have read so far and it unfailingly clears all the clutter and introduces the reader to concepts which have been inherent within us but covered with the multiple layers built over the years. There are some areas he dwells upon which are profound and he makes them utterly believable to even the novice. I could go on about the book but I'll leave it for you to make a decision. In case you read it, please share your thoughts with me.

Current Music: Pantera - Proud to be loud

If it looks wrong, it is wrong

Insight comes from the one time in ten, this axiom fails. Credibility comes from spotting the other nine times before exposing the analysis.

Current Music: Death - Flattening of Emotions

A Blast From The Past

Someone very close once introduced me to this song - "How About That" by Bad Company. Well, did not introduce but made a reference as this being one of her favourite songs. That's all. But it's stuck to my head, heart and soul if you can call it that. The voice, the guitar riff and the long pull brim my nerves and pull me out of my mental stutter like nothing else. This song has memories too but they don't bother me like they used to. Rather sometimes I dream about how it would be to sing front stage like the singer. At times, it raises the hair on my neck stand out. It also soothes the frustration by building it to a crescendo, letting it run its fire and then slowly cooling it. The pace and length of the song is just perfect. I have this uncredulous disbelief when I find rock lovers not having this in their playlist. The lead singer once even claimed that he thought no one knew this song. Well, you have one very great fan here.

The same person also introduced me to another song - Pat Benator's "All Fired Up". This is another great vent for frustration. Pat's voice is perfect for this pop rock song lending that fiery credence and beating your head up happens it is muddled up. So as predictably -

Current Music:

Bad Company - How About That

Pat Benator - All Fired Up

This could be HeaVen

Ok. Imagine a place where:

• You can go in a cab from one end of the country to another for 30 bucks max
• The taxi driver offers to teach you Tamilian (in case you don't know and are from India). Chatting with cab drivers should be avoided if possible. They are prone to talk on any tangent non-stop. Some are cute though.
• You need to win a license from an auction to be able to buy a car. The car is at a minimum twice the market price. Some licenses only permit you to drive on weekends (red license plate). All these measures are implemented to contain the number of cars in the country.
• You are REALLY fined for jaywalking (I mean I jaywalk all the time but its a namesake). Most youngsters just pay the fine (20 bucks) and do it again so the Government is getting serious about increasing the fine. At the same time, they don't want to overtax the senior citizen jaywalkers. So they are in a quandary. How sensitive.
• Only two types of housing are available - Government and condos. Most of the condos have a tennis court, swimming pool, play area, gym etc. This is possibly the highest expense if you move to Singapore.
• Government officials earn more than most private company employees. Forget corruption. People are scared to offer a bribe forget about taking it.
• You get charged per tissue in restaurants (okay its a wet wipe but wtf). It is given automatically as they seat you. You think it's free till you spot the 20-30 cents in the bill.
• Should I mention that the places are so damn clean I'm afraid to step out without taking a bath lest I defile the place? Even the areas where there are no venturas are kept spotless.
• There is virtually no crime here. The headlines in most newspapers are without any juice. A suicide some months back grabbed headlines for 15 days in a row. If you commit a serious crime, you disappear (but seriously). There was this guy who slept with his employee in return for some immigration favors. The cops got to him on her complaint. It was in the news for some days and then he disappeared. And no one bothered about it.
• You rarely spot a cop. Cops are happy if they fine someone smoking or dirtying a place once in a day.
• The variety of food is mind boggling. The crab meat available here is multi-orgasmic for want of a better word. I could gorge on it for all three meals. The number of food courts are mind boggling and very inexpensive. You can easily get by on 20 bucks a day for food. Going to the pubs IS expensive.
• Shopping is really really really a delight. And as I write, I only talk about my experience on Orchard road, CBD and Novena. For e.g. you get a Carolina Hererra Mens for 39 bucks - a 20% discount if not more. It costs even less in Little India they tell me. And no fakes. Remember the crime thing.
• Applying for any license and procuring it doesn't take more than 2-3 days. Most of it is online. The tax guys are more than happy to see you in the office. A friend who went to apply with his 75 year old father had the surprise of his life. They seated his father in a nice chair, took his papers, filed the same and gave him his copy.
• Tax rate is around 12-13%. Maximum is 19% I think for high category. Time to migrate methinx.
• The entire population (99.8%) is in top shape. No fat, obese or shapeless people. When I see their lustrous skin and muscles normally ripple through the skin, the whites of their eyes, shiny hair and white enamels, it reminds me of college. I worked hard then to get that and these guys are normally so full of health. It's really something.
• Most of the people have at least one item in black as part of their clothing. It corresponds well with their white skin - no doubt. Just an idle observation. Also, most of the girls wear skirts which are above knees. Which brings me to the next point.
• And last - the girls here have the best legs I've seen anywhere - period. This has got to be something to do with the DNA. This highly intrigued me. I haven't seen a single girl without good, better or knockout category of legs. I plan to find out why.

Welcome to Singapore. All this from my 5 days of work here. More to come when I experience the night life over the weekend.

A Fine Evening!!

The phone tinkled. I muttered a hello without looking at the screen. "M, I'm in Hyderabad for some time. Do we have time for a drink early evening?" Shocked and surprised, I sat up ramrod straight in my chair, mumbled my respects, decided the time and place, hung the phone and sank back into the cushion. The caller was my ex-boss of earlier years, the only person I am in complete awe regardless of time and age. Still. I quickly re-scheduled my calendar, cancelled the evening calls drudgery and thought about him. I hadn't met him for nearly 4 years. My last year of working in the firm directly reporting to him exposed me to the finest arts of management which were probably equivalent to an executive MBA in INSEAD or Oxford. I was fortunate to be handpicked by him suddenly out of the blue amongst the 3000 odd employees. His perception of the people he met was uncanny and his attitude towards everyone was exemplary. I still remember the 45 year old company CEO referring to my 32 year old boss in a huge client meeting, “When I grow up, I want to learn to talk like him". He could think ten steps ahead of everyone else like a Grandmaster and I remembered him demolishing men with twice his experience across the board room without seeming to try to do so. I came out of my reverie, looked at the time, shut my laptop and hurried to the car park.

We met in one of the quiet upper class lounge of Hyderabad. I saw him engrossed on the phone waiting for me. In any place, he would have been an impressive figure. His back straight as a pine, eyes bright and humorous, modish clothes with immaculate linen, he carried himself with the air of a man accustomed to deference. On seeing me, he boomed out of character (which startled me) and shook both hands for a long time and swept me to the lounge. I was quite surprised by this change and display of affection which was quite uncharacteristic in the time I worked for him. Well, I am not working for him anymore. Over single malt, he revealed his company was doing well, unaffected by external environment etc. and probed on my well-being. I decided not to waste this opportunity and poured out my troubles, the boss, politics and the entire 9 yards. He stared at me for quite some time and to his credit gave me no tolerant elegies. He was coldly and eloquently angry,"M, you shock me! You don't understand and that's what makes me angry with you. You do not lack talent. You have vast experience. You have at least a rudimentary understanding of politics. So this children's mode of behaviour you adopt is an incredible and inexcusable folly. In the fervour of a crusade, in the heat of a new situation, you slip out of gear. You change from logician to opportunist. You chase the lights ahead and forget the fires burning behind you. You have every talent that your boss has and probably some he lacks as well but you cannot or you will not focus them. So, always until now, you have been a tool of other men's designs. From what you have told me, you have the lever that will topple your opponents but needs the fulcrum which you must gather. I'm sorry if I've offended you, but I have so much regard for you that I cannot bear what you do to yourself. Let me show you what I mean." And then he proceeded to explain with two examples and observations on my similar battles with others during the time I worked under him along with a cross analysis.

Merde!! I sat rapt at attention, the whisky forgotten and glued to his words. I asked, “Why didn't you tell me this before?" For a full minute he said absolutely nothing and seemed to be staring beyond into some immeasurable distance. When he spoke, his voice was a little frosty, remote, like the chill wind of winter."To teach you a lesson, M. Don't trust anyone and don't waste your energies on multiple things. Comes a moment when all you have left is sap for one good loving and courage for one good fight. Don't waste the loving on a whore or the fight on a paper tiger".

With that we clinked once more, dived into the mushrooms and kebabs with gusto and maneuvered the talk to much livelier topics. I walked him to his car after some time and thought over the lesson. The bastard was right. Focus! Focus! Focus! Let your mind rule at work and the heart at home. We mistrust our mothers when they give us the nipple. The only things we believe happily are unprovable propositions like strategy plans from our bosses, milking statues from our priests and infallible Sultans of my industry.

I drove home, saw Requiem for a Dream again and sat up trying to close the exit route of my head lest the lesson escape ever. I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to ask him as to how did he know to reach me and why, but maybe the universe conspired to help when I needed it the most.

Current Music: Foo Fighters - Walking After You

Ordinary

Once you accept the existence of God - however you define Him, however you explain your relationship to Him - then you are caught forever with His presence in the center of all things. You are also caught with the fact that man is a creature who walks in two worlds and traces upon the walls of his cave the wonders and the nightmare experiences of his spiritual pilgrimage.

Movie Reviews

Almost forgot. Saw a whole lot of movies on the weekend. Skipped Milk, Full Metal Jacket, Scarface and The Shawshank Redemption. Replaced them with Requiem for a Dream, Spirited Away, Lord of the Rings and Snatch (repeat). But "The Reader" caught my complete attention. Kate Winslet's metamorphosis from the largely sexy tram conductor to the decidedly unrecognizable prisoner was superb. The spoken and silent dialogues, suddenness of the plot and the Reader(Ralph Finnes - older and young male) matched every curve of her body. Ralph Finnes was absolutely classy as the older male and the younger one reminded me of the innocence that no longer is. On hearing the judge sentence her to life imprisonment, I was reminded of Emerson: "Commit a crime, and the earth is made of glass....Some damning circumstance always transpires". Victims of war continue to live long after the war is over. And the OST by Nico Muhly was fabulous. Clear piano notes have always drummed my fancy. Perhaps it goes way back in my childhood when I used to dream about having a full size piano in the living room. Now, thinking of the absurd amount of money I used to spend in 5 star bars listening to someone play the piano gives moi wallet a heartburn.

The blot on the movie list was surprisingly "The Memento". It didn't grip me at all. I lost interest halfway through and gave in to moi hunger pangs. Disney's "UP" unfortunately didn't match the excitement it created within me with "Finding Nemo, The Cars" etc. The initial 15-20 minutes almost made me lost interest but it caught up well after that. Hostel was a little scary :). Could be more than little scary for a lot of people but I enjoyed it. Also saw "The Revolutionary Road and Requiem for a Dream" but those movies deserve a seperate review by themselves. Awesome ones, really.

Current Music: Sam Brown - Stop

Skeletons of Society

If we could learn to look instead of gawking,
We'd see the horror in the heart of farce,
If only we could act instead of talking,
We wouldn't always end up on our arse.
This was the thing that nearly had us mastered;
Don't yet rejoice in his defeat, you men!
Although the world stood up and stopped the bastard,
The bitch that bore him is in heat again.
- BERTOLT BRECHT: Arturo Ui

History teaches but who is listening, eh? We have to experience everything for ourselves. Is this what they mean when they say that all that you think or do has already been thought or done in history? Though Brecht wrote his play with reference to Hitler, I wonder whether it was restricted to him or the larger beast within. For some reason, this reminded me of the movie "Anaconda" where the large beast moves silently through the large waters barely creating a ripple till it launches its fury.

So Osama is back again. I hope they take him seriously this time. On another note, I am working to make a change from Financial Services to Energy and Green Initiatives now. That's going to be the next big thing methinx.

Current Music - Slayer - Skeletons of Society