Am in Minneapolis. A welcome change from Boston. I discovered an earache is almost as bad as a toothache. And having both at the same time is worse than hell. Know that cuz I've been there :)

Mumbai Stands Tall

The recent bombing brought these lines to moi mind as I witnessed the chaos that struck Mumbai.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
-- William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming"

The show must go on. Mumbai stands tall amidst the mayhem and destruction. Salaam Mumbai.

Awareness - The Last Sin

I keep reading a lot of articles on renunciation being used by all and sundry all over the place. I need to say moi whole pound on this for one and not bother about the tuppence. I say rejoice in everything. Enjoy every moment to the maximum and live life kingsize every minute whether you are walking, sleeping, partying, leching, scratching -- everything!! Transform the mundane into something beautiful. And then indirectly, a certain renunciation starts happening in a subtle way. It cannot be done on purpose. It's a happening. You start renouncing rubbish. Foolishness. Meaningless relationships. Jobs and work that are not fulfilling to the being. Acts where growth is not possible. And you don't do it shouting at the top of your roof. It happens on its own. Drops off is a better way to describe it. Renunciation sounds like a negative word. Awareness is a better term methinx.

I visit so many blogs and find a common thread running through most of them. Everyone is pondering about the meaning of life, relationships, spewing frustration and anger at not finding the answers. Why are so many people going astray? Why can't they walk straight? Why are so many people trapped in bypaths? Everything seems so confusing. No clarity, no preceptiveness. Everyone is trying to dissect the past and predict the future. Life has to be lived brutally every moment as if it's the last moment of your life. Unless a total effort is brought into every moment, transformation is not going to take place. There is no point in being lukewarm. Lukewarm efforts towards anything are bound to fail. Transformation happens only when we put our entire energy into it. When you are boiling at a hundred degree centigrade, then you evaporate. An alchemy takes place. Then you start rising up.

A young man with a fine voice is asked to take part in a pageant play, though he tries to beg off, saying he always gets embarrassed under such circumstances. He is assured it will be very simple, and he will have only one line to say: "I come to snatch a kiss, and dart into the fray. Hark! I hear a pistol shot" and then stride offstage.

At the performance he comes onstage, embarrassed already by the tight fitting colonial knee breeches he has been made to put on at the last moment, and becomes completely unstrung at the sight of the beautiful heroine lying back on a garden seat awaiting him, in a white gown. HE clears his throat and announces," I come to kiss your snatch --no!--snatch a kiss, and dart into the dray -- I mean, fart into the gray! Hark! -- I hear a shistol pot -- no! -- a shostil pit, a pistil shit. Oh, batshit, ratshit, shit on you all! I never wanted to be in this damned play in the first place!"

We need to silence our mind. It is perfectly utilitarian in the daily life but we need to be in control to switch it off when not required. I was amazed at the plethora of thoughts that used to inundate moi mind at any given point of time. If you want to check yourself, do one exercise. Be completely true to yourself and lock yourself in a room for ten minutes with a pen and a piece of paper. And write whatever comes to your mind on that piece of paper. And read the same after some time. You will not recognize yourself. You will be surprised at the amount of crap that is generated every minute. We need to bring a silence in us. In our mind and body.

It makes life much more beautiful. It makes you aware of every small happening around you. I don't think I have reached anywhere but I can definitely say I am in a much better state of being than what I was some time ago. Sometimes the switch works and sometimes it doesn't. But progress has been made. Through meditation.

On a parting note:

A man went into a tailor's show and saw a man hanging by one arm from the center of the ceiling.
"What is he doing there?" the man asked the tailor.
"Oh, pay no attention," said the tailor, "he thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, why don't you tell him he's not?" asked the startled customer.
"What!" replied the tailor. "And work in the dark?"

Don't laugh. It could be you :)

It's Time to Get a Little Conscious

A woman committed suicide by jumping off a ten storey building onto the sidewalk. She was lying naked on her back when a priest came over and put his hat over the woman's vagina.

A drunk passing by seeing the woman and the hat exclaimed,"The first thing we have got to do is get that guy out of there!"

The Last Tag

Now this is the end of moi tag quota (floated by Blabbergob) before I post some articles which are long due. Some experiences which hopefully I do justice to with moi expressions. One to do with the two week break and another - an epilogue to The Package.

Some of moi singular traits:

1 - I never backspace on moi writing and emails. Once I start writing or typing, the backspace & delete key vanishes unless I am being scored for my work.

2 - I can guess people's personality better by their writing than by their speech i.e. I am a poor judge of people in person :). Judging by the past, moi accuracy has been close to 95%. Sometimes, writing has revealed some startling facts, otherwise not obvious.

3 - I am totally at ease with moi body.

4 - They say curiosity killed the cat but mine has nine lives. The mysterious holds a special attraction for me be it occult, black magic, voodoo, meditation, astronomy et al. Eleven years back, I attended a black magic convention held on the outskirts of Pune with someone who practiced it. And wonder of wonders, I was allowed to witness some events which would be impossible to believe unless seen personally & Which of course cant be made public on the blog. Gurdjieff says we attract forces according to our being. Maybe there is some truth in that statement. I have had a myriad of eclectic experiences with strange people. I love mysteries, new experiences and have this incurable desire to experience the same.

5 - I sometimes lie for no reason. Nothing serious. E.g. I might say I went to the laundry when I might have actually been at the gym. Trivial questions are a bane sometimes.

6 - I can't swim over water. I can only swim underwater like a frog. No matter how much I have tried, its a wall.

Hmm, now to ask someone to mention the unthinkables.

Cocaine Jesus
Devil's advocate
A little read book
Cherrypicker
Elucidations
Blow

Simple instructions:

What you need to do:
1) post a blog with six weird facts about you
2) tag 6 people at the end of ur post...victimize them unawares and pass the buck
3) post a comment in their blogs letting them know that they’ve been tagged and ask them to visit your blog for info.

The Purrfect Lover

Blow tagged me on a tough one. Rules of the tag are:
1. Come up with 8 different points of your perfect lover.
2. Mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they’ve been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there’s no need to post again.

Moi perfect lover? Mmm!! Reminds me of that quote "I spent a lifetime searching for that perfect woman, but when I found her, I found she was searching for her perfect man" or something like that. Still, since wishes are horses here, I will ride:

1 - A creature of gay abandon. Literally.
2 - A little mysterious. Someone who opens the Bible of her life in the initial warm-up phases is a big turn-off. As it is, I don't care about the past,be it mine or yours.
3 - Has at least a couple of funny bones. Not just understand jokes but crack 'em too.
4 - Passionate about her ideals and sensitive to what surrounds her
5 - Loves books, music and travel (in any order).
6 - A little coy :)
7 - Understands silence.
8 - A coco-nut.

Umm, now the 3rd rule of this game. You are tagged:

Blue Athena
I Write U Read
Blabbergob (Sorry about this :D )
River's Blue Elephants
The Lazy Shall Inherit The Earth
Chakraviyuh
A Slice of Me
Random Musings of An Innocent Bystander (Your blogname had me in splits)

The Hundred Yard Tag

Picked this from Karmic's den.). I have to reply to Blow and Sujay's tag but since this takes max 5 minutes...Blow, yers is next (required a long think) and Sujay - I wonder if I should make moi oddity public..Musing but will take a shot.

(X) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
(X) stolen a car (me and a friend did it to learn driving when we were 13)
(X) been in love
( ) been dumped (It's not fun, but my self preservations instincts are strong so...)
(X) shoplifted (Once..)
( ) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight (Abhor violence but once in it, give it moi all)
(X) snuck out of your parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (who hasn't?)
(X) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) skipped school (Lotsa times in moi last two years at secondary)
(X) seen someone die (Hmm)
(X) had a crush on one of your Internet friends (Well..gryn)
( ) been to Canada (Not yet but hopefully this year sometime)
( ) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
(X) eaten sushi
( ) been skiing-snow or water
(X) met someone from the Internet (Of course!! Karmic, if ye ever come to Mumbai, holler)
(X) been at a concert
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now (Breathe in love, breathe out love all the time)
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party (Ewww!! Booze party?)
(X) flown a kite (As a kid, fun filled indeed!)
(x) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(X) cheated while playing a game (Haha!! Lots of times as a kid. It's fun especially if no one knows)
(X) been lonely
(X) fallen asleep at work/schoo
( ) used a fake ID (Nopes. Somehow don't attest to it)
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake (As a kid ages ago, still remember it vividly we lived on the 4th floor,not fun)
(X) slept beneath the stars
(X) been tickled
(X) been robbed (Yes. Caught the fella but ended up giving a fifty seeing his pathetic state)
(X) been misunderstood
(X) pet a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
(X) won a contest
(X) run a red light/stop sign (Am from India)
(X) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash (Am really careful with machines)
( ) had braces
(X) felt like an outcast/third person
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja vu (Lotsa times)
(X) danced in the moonlight (Er! In the nude too by the river after skinny dipping)
(X) liked the way you looked
( ) witnessed a crime
(X) questioned your heart
( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
(X) squished mud through your bare feet
(X) been lost
(x) been on the opposite side of the country
(X) swam in the ocean (Floated is more like it)
(X) felt like dying
( ) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(X) recently colored with crayons
(X) sang karaoke (Oh yes!! Love it)
(X) paid for a meal with only coins (Still do)
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) made prank phone calls (Still do. Love it)
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus Does writing it as Santa count?
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about (Now this I haven't so far but hopefully sometime)
(X) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party (No way!!)
( ) gone roller skating
(X) had a wish come true (So many times)
(X) jumped off a bridge (4 feet bridge counts? :p)
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(X) sang in the shower
(X) had a dream that you married someone (:o Ye meant nightmare eh?)
( ) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish
( ) climbed a water tower
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours (Are you nuts?)
(X) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree (berries, guavas and lotsa fruits but no apples)
(X) climbed a tree
(X) had a tree house
( ) been too scared to watch a scary movie alone - Huh?
(X) believe in ghosts
( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
(X) worn a really ugly outfit to school (Moi uniform was ugly, hugly :p)
(X) gone streaking (That was some experience in Puri)
(X) gone doorbell ditching (Still do)
( ) been pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
(X) told you're hot by a complete stranger (Wasn't sure whether she was lying ;) and didn't care when he did..grrr)
(X) broken a bone (not mine)
(X) been easily amused
(X) caught a fish then ate it (and crab too)
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(X) cheated on a test (How else do you clear all the years in school?)
(X) forgotten someone's name
( ) French braided someone's hair
(X) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub/river (Best experience. And then drying moiself in the grass eating coconut malai)
(X) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house
(X) loved someone so much you would gladly die for THEM
( ) cheated on someone
( ) talk to yourself when noones around (it's a good pick me up and sounding board.:).)
( ) hate someone you once loved (Not possible. )
(X) love someone you once hated (Has happened)

If someone wants to take a shot - be moi guest..

Missing In Action

Hi folks, I will be missing in action for 2-3 weeks depending on moi break. Am on leave for some time + have close friends up from Down Under..Party time. I'll c u after the break

MOST OF US LIVE OUT our lives in the world of time, in memories of the past and anticipation of the future. Only rarely do we touch the timeless dimension of the present - in moments of sudden beauty,or sudden danger,in meeting with a lover or with the surprise of the unexpected or utterly beautiful MUSIC. Music is something whose effect can't be ephemeral or the entire purpose is lost. If you listen to the modern day twangs, most of the sustainibility present in legends (like Pink Floyd, Madonna, Satriani, Dream Theater, Michael Jackson) is missing.

It happened one night. I was alone at home, sitting on the sofa unable to sleep. Restless. Trying to make sense of Basho. With Late Night Channel V on the idiot box when the song "Falling" began. The depth of her voice made my hair stand on end and I just closed my eyes to the sensation of the singer's voice floating around the hall surrounding me. I jabbed the sound volume to the max and surrendered to the voice. Totally unlike I had heard anyone else. Enjoyed the mist when I opened my eyes towards the end just so I could catch the song title and the singer's name before it faded away. Julee Cruise. Whose music I realised is unheard and unavailable in India. After a long, long search from the music stores to the bylanes of VT to meet the magician Razaq who had so far been able to procure any music for me at my whim. He turned his hands outwards in defeat finally and I had to then wait for a bitter two years for my first trip to US to be able to get the CD.

Julee Cruise is an artiste whose music is surreal. Her album "FLOATING INTO THE NIGHT" is an alchemy, a transformation that is not just verbal. Something different. Listening to her music is risky. Especially in the dead of the night in the sounds of silence. Just like listening to Pink Floyd is nothing less than death and rebirth.

Julee Cruise was capable of prodigious jumps not only beyond the accepted but also beyond the acceptable limits of today. I wonder why she is happy just living with her husband and two dogs in Manhattan. I wondered why didn't she create more music to the likes of "FLOATING INTO THE NIGHT". Maybe it was a complete circle for her. Maybe it's hard to improve upon perfection. Whatever it is - the lone CD lies securely nestled on my music shelf un-accessable to anyone but me. To be played undisturbed, alone and float into the night. Moi favourite song of the album:

Falling

Don`t let yourself be hurt this time
Don´t let yourself be hurt this time

Then I saw your face
Then I saw your smile

The sky is till blue
The clouds come and go
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Don`t let yourself be hurt this time
Don`t let yourself be hurt this time

Then your kiss so soft
Then your touch so warm
The stars still shine bright
The mountains still high
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Falling
Falling
Are we falling in love?

(It pissed me off to no end one day when I saw someone selling her CD for 50 cents on half.com)

School Essays

This arrived in the inbox. I don't know who wrote these but I erupted into whales of laughter on reading those. Do you remember your own school essays? Kiddie ones? So precious.

Art & Porn - The Thin Divide

Take Khajuraho for example. Ah visited Khajuraho sometime back. The vibes I received made even a art duffer like me wonder about the attraction of the place. The blatant display. It was beautiful. Made me wonder is there a dividing line between art and porn. Whether in Khajuraho or anywhere else in our daily lives. The innumerous paintings, movies, books etc being passed off as inspiration, epiphanies or acts of creativity. So I delved into Khajuraho deeper and deeper. Moi mind finally rested at this:

Superficially there is no difference. Khajuraho, Puri, Ajanta, Ellora -- they are full of erotic art, just like the contemporary erotic culture where the repressed sexuality of thousands of years has become such a burden that it has to be dropped. And suddenly a great erotic revolution has taken place. Pornography is nothing but erotic and obscene - in paintings, in films, in dances. They don’t create in you a longing for the beyond; they simply create in you more sensuality, more sexuality. But on the surface they look alike. And in India and in the outside world, they are being misunderstood.

After India became independent, Mahatma Gandhi proposed that all these sculptures, all these temples should be sunk into mud. They would not be destroyed, so if some foreign dignitary comes to see then you can clean it and show him -- just for special people. But for ordinary people they would be closed. Because Mahatma Gandhi thought in the same way as it is thought all over the world, that they are erotic, they are obscene. But there is a vast difference between the Eastern art in Ajanta, Ellora, Konark, Khajuraho and the modern erotic, pornographic photography, painting, music.

For e.g. there are thirty temples in Khajuraho. There were a hundred originally -- Muslims destroyed seventy temples, which are now ruins. One hundred temples must have been built in thousands of years by thousands of artists continuously working on stone - generation after generation may have died working on it. And they have created the most beautiful bodies in stone. In Khajuraho stone speaks, sings, dances; it is not dead. You can see that the artist has succeeded in transforming the stone into a living form. It looks so alive that any moment the statue may walk towards you and say," Hello". And hundreds of statues.. These statues were not to satisfy your repressed sexuality. On the contrary, they were used as a tantric method to release the suppressed sexuality just by meditating on these naked statues. The method was simply to sit there in silence - only a dim light reaches there, and hundreds of statues surround you. Just watching them, you will be surprised to find that many of these dreams have occurred to you, many are such that they have been condemned in every society -- sexual orgies, but they have happened in your dreams, they are part of your unconscious. And these places like Khajuraho were kinds of universities where people were coming to release, to cathart-repressed sexuality.

And all these statues are outside the temple. Inside the temple there is no erotic sculpture. In fact, inside most of the temples there is nothing- just silence, a cool peaceful milieu, with the vibes of thousands of years of people meditating there. The rule was that when you feel or your master feels that the erotic sculpture no longer affects you, that you are sitting there and nothing happens, it is as if the walls are empty- when you are absolutely sure that they don’t affect you - that is a signal: Now it is time, now you can go inside. Now the door for the inner is open. All that was rubbish has been dropped- cleanliness, weightlessness, and a silence, which is full of beauty and song... It is the greatest psychological method invented by the East.

What is happening today is simply pornographic, obscene. It does not help man to get rid of it, but simply gives a temporary relief. The pornographic literature, photography are all helping you stay normal, otherwise, you will go mad. So there is no harm done when one reads Playboy hidden inside a Bible or a Gita. What he is seeing in a porno magazine brings up his own unconscious. This was used as a meditation technique in Khajuraho. These days it is used to create more thirst for the same sexuality, which has been aroused by the porno magazine, by blue films, by naked dances and striptease. The same method was used to transform your energy into sexuality. These days, it is used to provoke more sexuality.

And then there is a kind of insatiation - almost all painting has gone pornographic, all the movies repeating almost the same stories, the same plot, the same triangle: two women, one man; or two men, one woman, a simple structure - the same story. What attracts people to it? It is not appreciation for literature. What attracts is that in the story - needed for the story or not needed - they go on putting your suppressed needs, desires. It is a kind of relief. But tomorrow you will be repressing again, and again you will need the same kind of photography, the same dance.This way you will never be able to enter into the temple.

Parting thought: I would definitely think of introducing kids with their untainted, unprejudiced and pure mind to the best forms of art and sculpture. Before adulteration and mindless manipulation hits their mind, they can learn to appreciate and approach beauty in its purest form. (I heard from the locals that a few tourists masturbate watching the statues. How grosse can the mind be?)

Khajuraho is well worth the trudge of the journey and the required organized effort. A place highly recommended to everyone. A must visit at least once in a lifetime.

And Now For Some Zen

One day Mulla Nasrudin got lost in the jungle. The whole day he spent trying to find a way out, but he could not... He was tired, hungry, exhausted, bleeding, and his clothes were torn apart because the jungle was so thick and thorny.
It was getting darker, the sun was setting and the night was near.
The Mulla had not been attending the mosque and prayer lately, and feared his predicament might be a result of his neglect.
So he knelt down on the ground and he said, "Dear Lord, please help me find my way out of this jungle, and I will always worship you. I will start attending the mosque regularly. I will faithfully follow all the rituals of Islam. I promise you! Just save me. Forgive me. I apologize for my negligence. I was a fool, an utter fool!
Just at that moment a bird passed overhead and dropped something in his outspread hands.
He said "Please Lord, don't give me any of that shit. I'm really lost!"

Time and again Nasrudin passed from Persia to Greece on the back of a donkey. Each time he had two panniers of straw and passed back without them. Every time the guards searched him for contraband. But try as they might, they never found any. "What are you carrying, Nasrudin?" The guards would ask."I am a smuggler" Nasrudin would answer.Years later, more and more prosperous in his appearance. Nasrudin moved to Egypt. One of the customs men met him there. "Tell me, Mulla, now that you are out of the jurisdiction of Greece and Persia, living here in such luxury--what was it that you were smuggling when we could never catch you?" "Donkeys."

What is Philosophy?

Art Critic 1: "I think the neo-plasticism of the abstract design proves the mystical, metaphysical and non-humanistic approach to the objective concept of abstraction."
Art Critic 2: "Yes, you have a point there! In fact, it's obvious even from a casual glance that this painting was created by paranoiac-critical activity, brought about by spontaneous dynamic sensations, sometimes made by somnambulistically inclined campanologists, who create a picture of transcendental non-curvilinear objects expressing subjective feelings in a cubistic manner."
Art Critic 3: "I fully agree with you both - It is a rubbish painting!"

One man came to a philosopher. He was worried; he is the father of a beautiful daughter. He was very much worried. He said, "Every morning she feels a little sick, and I have been to all the doctors and they say nothng is wrong. So what to do?"
The philosopher closed his eyes, contemplated on the problem, then he opened his eys and said, "Do you give her milk before she goes to bed at night?"
The man said, "Yes".
The philosopher said, " Now, I have found the problem: if you give milk to a child, then the child changes sides the whole night from right to left, from left to right, and through the churning the milk becomes curd. Then the curd becomes cheese, and then the cheese becomes butter, then the butter becomes fat, then the fat becomes sugar, then the sugar becomes alcohol — and, of course, in the morning she has a hangover."

That is what all philosophies are: some explanation of things; some explanation of things which cannot be explained; pretending to know about something which is not known. But they make life convenient. You can sleep well; they are like tranquilizers. They give you dreams, utopias. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Now something personal.

A phalanx of incidents have changed the status quo of muh life in the past two months. It’s hard to put down in words but the effort can be cathartic for a person like me, methinx. For someone who speaks one word instead of the required five. Communication problemo actually. One incident stirred me deeply, one shook the unshakeable me up and this one..Well.. This goes back a long long way.

The Package

The package arrived last week. A Creative Nano Zen mp3 player. And an Issey Miyake miniature bottle. A belated birthday present. The package came neatly wrapped in a small cushion with a small card saying "Forgive me. Happy Birthday" Signed in Italic with her name, address and telephone number. And accompanied by a slightly emotionally penned letter. The gift created a silence within me for a while. Bcuz of the magnitude of the effort to trace me. Bcuz it was sent by:

- Someone whom I havent spoken to for the last 14 years and is living right now in USA.
- Someone who was my bum chum for the best part of my growing up
- Someone whom I drifted apart from becuz of parental intervention (not mine)

The 1 GB disk was full with recorded songs segregated folder wise. Started with Joe Cocker’s "Different Roads". Many of the songs are personal favorites of mine. And a few are hers I guess. Each song is handpicked and is conveying some message. Some of the songs spooked me and made me wonder if there is anyone who is a conduit. Relaying such personal information about me.

The picture is still vivid in my mind of me and her wading in knee deep water. Of me in shorts reaching only till her ear. Both of us sharing the same umbrella in the torrid rain trying to navigate the potholes on our way home from tuition. The moment when she put her hand on moi shoulder to steady me. I was petrified to move in case she removed it. Delirium infinitum He he!!

But before that - a little history.

I was introduced to this “new” girl who had joined us in the same batch for tuition. A shy hello, a sneaky peek at her long legs stretching out of the PT uniform and ah decided she was okay. It turned out she was residing in the big building towering over my row-house from where everything happening in my house was pretty visible. We hit it off pretty squarely for no real reason to fathom. The enormous societal status didn’t make a difference. Best of buddies. Waiting to meet each other after school at tuition. Share daily experiences. Have fun. Enjoy picnics. Celebrate birthdays. The odd movies. Endless chatter and day dreams. The occasional fight which would cast a gloom over the entire tuition batch. Numerous small incidents that laid the foundation for a beautiful friendship.

The Mess: Predictably, half the “eligible” guys in the colony started forming a line outside the tuitions trying their best to woo the new girl on the block. And I turned out to be the most wanted guy for the most obvious reason. Things turned messy when she started going around with one of the “dudes” in the colony and the matters reached her folks’ ears. My head was on the block for no fault of mine.

Enter the Nemesis: Her snooty ma threatened to send goons after me if I spoke to her again. Imagine threatening me at that age (all of 14 and 4 feet and half). That did it. That she didn’t defend me in front of her parents broke my heart and the trust. I completed the year at tuitions and opted out. The half hearted attempt at sending an olive out to me didn’t work. Two years of friendship down the drain. Just like that.

Why now? After all these years of being incognito and not in touch. Many questions popped in my mind all of last week as I listened to the songs. The answer lies back in USA and the ball is in my court. I’m not wet behind the ears. It’s a little late in life to mend this bridge methinx. Still, the enormity of the gesture merits a response and I wonder about the right way to do it.

Time to put this up before I change my mind.

" A good day or a bad day, the sun always sets"

Hush now, don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?

Silent Lucidity - One of my eternally favourite songs sung by Queensryche. As I was cruising down memory lane this weekend, the RJ belted this one out of the blue. Call it synchronicity but it transported me immediately to the ole days of college which were only filled with music, computers and joy. When time was color. I was living in a total feckless time where we wore a watch only during exams, came home in the mornings with the milkman and the bylanes of the collage comprised of our whole world. A bygotten era - where time, money, fashion, people, opinions were like an arsehole - everyone had one. When we did what we wanted to. Where thought and action were synchronous. Whenever, wherever. As the song neared an end, I jogged the volume dial down and headed to the beach. Where SOMETHING HAPPENED.

SOMETHING HAPPENED

Something happened on this weekend at midnight as I was meditating on Silver Beach under the stars.

Something I am unable to describe here.

Something that defied moi imagination.

Something unreal.

Something happened.

Prohibition - Here today, Gone tomorrow? Naw....

For sometime I've been following the Government's initiatives towards curbing addictions. It started with banning gutkha, moved on to stopping ladies bars and now its putting the screws on discotheques and pubs in one guise or the other. Not that it has stopped people from chewing gutkha, visiting prostitutes or having a good time. Prohibition is not a route to curing addiction. It never has and never will be. Remember the time when your parents told you not to do a particular act. What happened next? You went and did it the very next moment. (At least I did *gryn*). Or so was moi foray into the world of smoke, booze and rock n roll early on.

Addiction...It's nothing new, is as ancient as man…Is an escape route - a temporary, momentary one. There has never been a time when man didn't need an escape route. Everyone seems to have a need at the end of the day: a few beers, cigarettes, drugs, womanizing - any short cut to relief. None of these things bring any satisfaction, yet the desire for some sort of gratification continues…

The main cause of addiction is that man does not know how to live; how to live in totality - a complete awareness. And that is how he gets exploited by society which has a vested interest in making him suffer and offering temporary relief. A person who lived totally will not consume any alcohol, smoke cigarettes ot take any form of drug. Naturally, people who are earning millions of bucks out of alcohol and drugs cannot let you live totally. What would happen to business if no one has an addiction? Half the economy would collapse. Addictive substances are needed by people who are miserable; troubled people, people who want to forget their troubles for a few hours.

If a man lives totally, his every moment is such a fulfillment that you will not see groups of people watching porn - who wants to see someone else making love? When you yourself can make super love, why should you see senseless acts of copulation? Our life itself is such a tremendous challenge, a big mystery. If everyone delves into even half its depth, we could make this world a better place.

There is no purity in purpose with 98% of the people. I have seen people gulp down alcohol before a stage show to ease their nervousness. Have seen people dance in the club only after two pegs down. Be able to play music only after a quick sniff of cocaine. The art is not at all crystallized in the people because there hasn’t been a complete focus in what they do. Lack of awareness. Hence the placebos or props. Hence the addiction.

For e.g. smoking - Smoking helps on a momentary basis to forget about anxieties and tensions. In the deep unconscious, it is related to sucking milk from the mother's breast. As civilization has grown, breast feeding for at least 1.5 - 2 years as in ancient times has stopped. One - due to work commitments and spending time away from home. And two - women are prone to stop breast feeding because of the paranoia of loosing the shape of the breast; the worry of the breast losing its beauty. A child does not need a round breast - a round breast will suffocate him; his nose will be stopped by the breast. So as civilization has grown, children are taken away from the mother's breast before time. The longing to suck from the breast stays in the mind and whenever people are in a nervous state of mind, smoking helps. It helps them to relax again. It's just like the mother's nipple and the flow of smoke is warm just like the milk.

Similarly with snuff, paan and alcohol. The sneeze clears the mind and gives a good shake leading to a nice feeling. But again the anxieties come back. And then people graduate to alcohol and other substitutes. The trick is to create total awareness for every action. De-automatize every activity. Try to do it one step at a time. Make it a very sensual act. The act will drop by itself and you will soon realize the futility of it. Prohibition has never worked in a thousand years and it never will.

R.R. Patil - are you listening? Create awareness. Introduce workshops. Transformation is they way. Not the use of power in the name of love.

Places of worship - It's not just an idol(ic) thing

The temple is not a flight of fancy of man. Its roots lie deep in man's inner unconscious. Right from ancient times, wherever man has lived in whichever stage, he has constructed something resembling a temple somewhere close by. There is no race on earth which has not built a temple, a church, a masjid and so on. There is no resemblance between the arrangement and design of a temple and a church but the inner aspiration and urge of man whether Hindu or Christian remains the same. Another point to note is that the universal urge to build places of worship lies only in man. Animals build only dwellings, shelter but no temples. Without man having a deep awareness of the God, a temple could not be built. It is necessary to make an inquiry into the significance of building a temple. Just like we build guesthouses for guests, the idea of building temples must have been conceived in a moment, when the divine was not a figment of imagination but a living experience.

The temples function as receptive instruments. Though godliness and human beings are present everywhere, only during special circumstances within us do we become attuned to that godliness. So temples serve as centers of receptivity, to enable us to feel the divine in existence and to become spiritually elevated. Patterns and arrangements i.e. temple, masjid or church do not matter...the ultimate purpose is same. The temples in India are constructed of 3-4 patterns. The temple domes are based on the model of the sky. The domes (small, semi circular prototypes of the sky) are constructed so that the resonance of the prayers can bounce back on us. The dome throws back the prayers and chanting done under its canopy. The sound is not lost in the vast sky. The purpose is that when anyone chants intensely, the dome makes the sound reverberate forming a circle of the echo. Such a sound circle is a blissful experience. With the circle formation, we become the recipient as well and the divine enters into us. All thoughts come to a stop. The bells and gongs outside temples serve the purpose of bring back our attention (if it drifts) to the circle of sound created by the vibration of chanting. It is akin to the ripples created by throwing a stone in the pond. The ringing of the bell creates a discontinuity in our normal chain of thought and alertness.

Certain flowers and incense are used to maintain harmony of the temple. For e.g. in a mosque only "lobhan", a kind of fragrant resin is used as incense and in a temple, only dhoop and agarbatti. All these have a connection with sound. The sound of Allah has an inner harmony with the fragrance of lobhan. These links were discovered through the inner search for enlightenment. Similarly, the amount of light to be used, whether to use kerosene or ghee and other external aids. It may not be easy to explain the difference between a kerosene light and ghee light if you have not experimented with the same. With light created by burning kerosene, our eyes begin to burn and become tired and painful. With ghee the same become cool and soothed. All these external aids are just parallels. And when a place of worship has been provided with them, it becomes charged with the vibrations. Hence the stipulation that no one should go to a temple without bathing. Taking a cold bath breaks the mental associations. In fact in old days, silk clothes had to be worn because silk helps to generate body electricity.

With all these precautions and arrangements, the places of worship become charged and also affect anyone even passing by with its magnetic field. For e.g. it is said about Mahavir that within a certain radius of him - wherever he might be - it was impossible to commit violence. It was his charged field - a walking temple. We need places of worship like temples where we can make our offerings and receive something in return. Man always forgets. What is sublime and valuable, we forget; what is trivial and commonplace we remember continuously. We have to make an effort to remember God but our desires and passions are present all the time. Going downhill is easy; going uphill is always difficult. The temples help keep the inner search alive. Very few of us are naturally inspired to seek; most only feel inspired when we actually see things. So when we see godliness personified within the shape of a temple, something of it lingers in our minds. This is especially so for people who cannot visualize the unmanifest divine. A temple is a place for rest and relaxation where you can find relief and peace. It is a source of inspiration.

Something Light

This one cracked me up...

Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And Thinking, Surely I Can't Look That Old?" Well... You'll Love This One!

I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My First Appointment With A New Dentist. I Noticed His, Dds, Which Bore His Full Name.

Suddenly, I Remembered A Tall, Handsome, Dark-Haired Boy With The Same Name Had Been In My High School Class Some 40-Odd Years Ago. Could He Be The Same Guy That I Had A Secret Crush On, Way Back Then??

Upon Seeing Him, However, I Quickly Discarded Any Such Thought. This Balding Gray-Haired Man With The Deeply Lined Face Was Way Too Old To Have Been My Classmate.

Hmmm,...Or Could He??? After He Examined My Teeth, I Asked Him If He Had Attended So And So High School. "Yes. Yes, I Did" He Gleamed With Pride.

"When Did You Graduate?" I Asked. He Answered, "In 1959. Why Do You Ask?"

"You Were In My Class!" I Exclaimed. He Looked At Me Closely. Then, That Ugly, Old, Wrinkled Son-Of-A-Bitch Asked,

"What Did You Teach?"