A lazy Friday afternoon

Obviously the Magpie has had nothing better to do. Landed on "Cool Things To Put On Your Blog" and the results are obvious for everyone to see. From plain outlandish to quirky. Well, the evening is still young and I plan to attempt some more phunnies. While the boss is away......

Your EQ is 160

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Visual DNA

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NY times

Ah!! It's good to be in NY. I am here after a 5 year long break. Of course I've been here on and off but haven't stayed for quite a long time. Today's a rest day. Notorious areas somehow always lend a charm and thrill. Or maybe it is for the sedate me ;) Am wandering down Manhattan, Browery St and Queens...Anyone here?

One Night in Russia

Last evening at the local pub, the 4 of us. Noisy and boisterous. 2 guys, 1 gurl and 1 gurl. The last being demure (read quiet). Jokes and ribaldy ensued naturally. The other guy trying to pull the demure one out of her shell. Being funny, serious, thoughtful didn't impress. 4 drinks later the conversation moved from work, sex, music and books to philosophy. Naturally. The guy quotes "Happiness is the absence of pain". The vague shape of Osho's beard loomed in the cigarrette smoke.

Out of the blue came the repartee from the demure one "Happiness is the maximum agreement between reality and desire".

I choked.

Salud!! Mother Russia.

Paris - 7 outta 10

Gawd!! It's been close to 4 months since I wrote anything. A lawt has changed as I can see. Having to use google ID to login mandatorily which I don't like definitely. The last 4 months have been busy - ees an understatement. My move to Bangalore got curtailed. Infy couldn't lure me. Family ties tied me in Mumbai no matter how lucrative Bangalore and eventually US or Europe would have been. That provided an insight - moi heart still beats in the right place. I was of the thought it's frozen forever and nothing moves it from its place. And then the work. Attacking it with fresh vigour really got the adrenalin moving faster than before. And then some time doing nothing but getting all the back logs of life in place. Body, mind, close ties and life in that order. So here I am fresh from all moi travels the latest being a 4 day short trip to Paris.

The Eiffel looks good at night but is vastly overrated. St.Sulphice should ideally be one of the wonders of the world. The beauty and artwork is awesome. It's just not possible for anyone to create that kind of magnificient architecture which requires continuity over years. It took 145 years to complete the church and the South Tower aint built yet. The Louvre, Champ Elysees et al took a little more time and I am back home. Oh and the Mona Lisa is..well..I'll leave it at that. I must say basking in the sunlight and feeding the pigeons with the temperature 11 degrees has a different charm of its own.

Just let the moments take moi heart away all this time.

It's good to be back..

The Funny oops Peripatetic Bong

It slipped by me to post this..One of the phunniest ones I have come across for a long time.. Ek Khat Bhai Ke Naam by Shreemoyee..Am sure all Indians are going to roll over..

Apologies!!

I guess apologies are long due!! Ever since I have been back, I have been travelling to mucho less interesting (cuz of work I'm sure) locales i.e. Chennai and Bangalore, meeting honchos which has led me close to biting Adam's apple of moving to Bangalore on a permanent basis..Well am not 100% sure but the profile and offer seems tempting and a change would be great too...Hopefully this weeks promises to be quiet and I plan to post. In case I can't, am online continuously on google yakkety yak as whitemagpie...

I'm Back

After a wonderfully refreshing two and a half weeks trip down to a lot of places by car/bike, I'm back. Lots and lots of fun, innumerable massages, heaps of soaking up the sun by the pool / beach, very good food / drinks, books and music by the side, other company at times - I'm back. Can't possibly cram all the experience in one article so the next few ones will just be the fun times I had...

Invest for a Better Tomorrow

The benefits of working in an organisation harping all the while about capital markets, asset management, transfer agencies and mortgage services rub on to ye whether ye like it or not. The 3 year stint has educated me a little about the stock market, risk, debt instruments, IPOs et al. Words which earlier were guaranteed to elicit a big yawn. Now the antennae starts twitching when someone mentions share price, NIFTY, Bengali sex duh I mean Sensex...So a few thoughts towards investment and early planning for everyone. To be able to enjoy those idyllic lounges when ye are old and want to ogle at the beauties on the beach in Malta or Hawaii. Or want to go on that hugo world trip with yer loved one..

In today's world with falling interest rates, fixed deposits and other schemes are no longer attractive for the investor who wants quicker returns on his investments and is willing to take calculated risks. The stock market certainly provides the depth and opportunity and is open for everyone worth his salt to have a go. Successful investing is the key goal and should be followed by all and sundry especially today's youth who are earning at ten times the pace of their fore fathers but not investing a tenth as much. For those interested in investing in equity, here are a few key notes. Mark my words this is not the entire symphony but following it could very well make it so

1 - Start as early as ye can - The sooner ye invest, the more yer money will have time to grow.

2 - Keep some liquid cash aside - It is always a good idea to spare some cash aside in a deposit account in case of emergencies. Enough to cover 3-4 months expenses is always a good guide to how much ye need. There may be many reasons ye might need yer money at short notice e.g. medical, the big purchase, taking a holiday etc

3 - Ask yerself how much stomach ye have for risk - It doesn't make sense investing in equity if yer stomach will lurch at the slightest dip in the sensex. Investing in equity requires staying power and the capacity to hold on through the ups and downs. An Investment Advisor might help ye decide yer capacity for risk

4 - Always remember that inflation will nibble away into yer savings - Returns on risk free cash investments sounds impressive, but when ye subtract the current rate of inflation, the impression will go for a toss. Ye need to make yer money work harder for ye.

5 - Think carefully about the length of time of yer investment - Take a shot at the stock market if ye are prepared to put yer money away for a decent period of time i.e. 5 to 10 years or longer. If ye are likely to need yer money any sooner, keep it in a lower risk investment so the chances of fall in value are minimized.

6 - Spread yer butter over the bread - Its not a good idea to invest all yer money in one type of investment. Depending on yer goals and appetite for risk, ye will probably want to spread yer money over different types of investment - equities, bond, cash and so on. Ye will also want to diversify within each of these categories.

7 - Invest regularly - Investing regularly can be a great way to build a lump sum (remember the piggy bank in yer yesteryears?). Ye will also benefit from what is known as rupee cost averaging i.e. if ye are investing in a mutual fund, over the years ye will pay the average price for units. If the market goes up, the units ye already own will increase in value. If it goes down, yer next payment will buy more units.

8 - Choose yer funds carefully - Select investments on the basis of yer personal goals. If ye are deciding on a mutual fund to invest in, don't opt for the one that is advertised the most unless ye are sure it will be right for yer needs in the coming years. Look at the details of what a fund invests in and check if ye are comfortable with its investment style and objectives.

9 - Time is the key to successful investing - It is tempting to wait for the market to reach a low point before investing in the same. But how will ye know when this happens? Ye run the risk of missing out on the significant rises that often occur in the early days of an upward trend. It is always better to choose an investment that ye feel confident about and take a long term view, so that ye have time to ride any ups and downs.

10 - Review yer investments - yer investments need to adapt to changes in yer life such as getting married, having kids or starting a new business. A portfolio that is right for ye at one point in life may not be so a few years down the line. It always makes sense to check that the funds in yer portfolio are living up to yer expectations.

Lastly, when making yer investment decisions, choose a partner ye can trust - a company with a clean reputation for providing consistent returns to its investors. Its very similar to marriage. The first step can very well be the last.

P.S. - (Am in a think mode on this Sunday afternoon. All the above is tedious but there's no avoiding it. Next think mode is next year methinx..)

The Silent Touch

In moi previous post on fav music, Ejaz mentioned he would like to know moi fav instrumentals. It's difficult to categorize. It would be pure injustice to attempt to do so. Or maybe I am not exposed to such a breadth. Either way:

1 - "Le Pasteur" by Gabriel Grovlez - A brilliant haunting piece. I happened to listen to it on a foggy day in London at a acquaintance's house. We have become close friends since.

2 - "La Mer" by Claude Debussy - It enthralled me even at the age of 12. A kid who had no idea of classic music. But mebbe the taste :)

3 - "The Goldberg Variations" by Bach - I hear this when I am alone. When I need some quiet. And some peace. And a caress on moi sweaty brow.

4 - "The Pomp and Circumstance Marches" - It's just different.

5 - "Piano Concerto No. 3 in D Minor" by Rachmininov - Masterful. No other way to describe it.

Like I mentioned, it's difficult to stop at 5 but stop I must. A few from the movies are worth a listen too:

1 - "Gladiator" - Hans Zimmer has done a great job in the entire album. I particularly liked "Sorrow".

2 - "Scent of a Woman" by Thomas Newman. Who can forget the backdrop?

Okay, Ejaz?

Laffter - The Nutter

We are all living in a very insane, pathetic world. If we do not laugh and enjoy the small, minute pleasures of life soon we will be drowned in the whole mess . Laughter is a value, a blessing to me. Don't get serious. Laff your heart out. Laff your life out. All the jokes below carry a message. So when I say laff, you know what I mean. Take everything with a pinch of salt. Laffter eases a lawt of pain, negative feelings, cleanses the soul..at least for me. So here's something on for chappies who want to..let loose. Don't hold nuthin' back..

http://laffter.blogspot.com/

Sequel To...

Minneapolis:

After blowing a lot of smoke up moi client's ass and a nagging tooth+ear ache for constant company, I took the return to India from Minneapolis. Moi flight was at 3 in the noon so I could be at the airport by 12.30 and no problemo, right? Wrong. The toothearache had really taken me on different journeys and not allowed me to even sleep for more than an hour any of those nights. And like a friend in need, the ache drifted me off to sleep in my hotel room at 11 am with no signs of any ache to be woken by the telephone, "Sir, have you cleared your room?" I was about to snap when I realised it was 1:15 P.M. Apologies to him followed by curses at me I managed to reach in record time to the check in counter by 1.50 only to encounter a long queue and adamant airline staff..Best behavior, earnest pleadings and an I love America tee-shirt worn for good measure earned me the right to board and I finally plonked in moi seat..Phew!! Thinking the worst was over..

Enters pregnant Carmela with a baby of indeterminate age all alone with eyes suspiciously zeroing on to the seat number above my adjoining seat..I closed my eyes, prayed briefly and opened them after what seemed like eternity to be greeted by a neon light..well her perfect enamels actually. That should have warned me of what was to follow. A big smile, baby on the seat and an attractive lady (protruding stomach et al) with a nice rump trying to put the luggage on the racks..A gentleman has no option but to get up and help.

Introductions followed and we settled in. I guessed she'd spruced up before boarding the flight. I smelled a little eu de something over the smells of baby powder and warm milk. Unnecessary details ensued, "That is Art junior all of eleven months, Sheena two and half years at home, thank God and I have one in the oven." She really needed to do something about those pregnancies. Idle chatter about Art junior moved on to his Dad et al.

Drinks arrived. I clinked my scotch to her coke and made the first faux passé,” You look good" to have her return the fire,” Was that disability for blindness?"
I managed a smile, "Naw, I mean it."
I did my best with periodic yeah and Oh to future nonstop Italian accented commentary about her family and pretended to close moi eyes. It worked. Sing Halleluiah..

I awoke suddenly to a lot of jostling and sound of "What's the matter with moi cutie?” Junior started screaming his lungs out even more and Carmela did some detective work and said,"Oh, poor baby did a poopie" Was that a reason to scream? I mean, if I crapped moi pants I'd be real quiet about it. Carmela snagged the Pampers and took him to the loo for a de-poop. Leaving me wide in the wake and irritable.

Later.
Moi faux passé number two after two rounds of scotch,"That’s a cute kid".
"You want him?" She really was a snap. I smiled.
Food arrived in some time and I was gorging on the chicken when Carmela ventured, “Have some of moi veggies."
"So Joe asks his mother over for lunch, and she's eating and says,” Joe, I don't like your friends". And he says,” Well, then, just eat the veggies".
Silence for uno momento and then,” That’s disgusting".
Yesss..Score read two to the Italians and one India (rising). I poured the Scotch over ice and sipped. And smacked moi lips, "Ahh!! Veggies taste real good with scotch, I've heard." She looked like she wanted to give me an ice-water enema.

Again a losing try for some sleep to be shattered by incessant crying from the next seat. She wound up a small toy which played an "It's a beautiful world".
From her, "Little boy loves the music”. After a couple of decades, this kid was going to become a serial killer who hummed "It's a beautiful world" as he garroted his victims. I played with the toddler while she had an urgent run to the loo. As the only two nerds on the plane awake for various reasons mentioned above and seated next to each other, we were destined to drift into conversation to kill time. I asked, "Er..Carmela, are ye Italian? "Yes, Carmela Mancuso". Things were pretty mucho normal as far as you could say.

Her first faux passé, "Do you like Italian food?"
“Naw..I hate Italian food. In fact only two good things have ever come out of Italy.
A pregnant pause and arched eyebrows awaited the punchline.
“And both belonged to Sophia Loren.” That got me a fcuk off kind of look. My goodness. Score read two each. And I eased off for sanity’s sake.

After some time she said, "Ye know ye are funny. And speak very good English. For an Indian." I had a slight feeling she was jerking moi chain along with the olive.
So I needled again, “So what was the place you came from originally"?
"Italy”
“And how long have you been in US?”
“Ten years.”
“You like it in US?”
“Sure. Who doesn't?”
“Well, moi cousin for instance is always bad mouthing America. She wants to move to U.K.”
“I have an uncle in U.K..”
“No kidding? Anybody's left in Italy?”
A smile from her and that was end of round three. We both called in quits & reined in our artillery.

I don't even want to mention the number of times I translated English into chaste Hindi to assuage her curiosity. As the flight circled around the airport, she asked, “I noticed you didn't sleep at all during the flight"..Grrr..I mumbled," I have a tooth and ear ache”. As if that was the only cause. We deplaned in some time, caught our luggage when she suddenly leaned over and gave me a long & tight hug, Mumbled something like "Thanks for the good company. I really appreciate it. Sometimes the hormones go crazy during pregnancy and with the child, it gets unbearable. You are a warm man in spite of being a smart ass. Have a great flight". A wave of her hand and she was gone. I had nothing to say. So I did just that. Said nothing.

Picked this from Prmod's "strange,very strange"

Rules of the tag: No Indian, Icelandic or Japanese music. No instrumentals. All information valid through the last couple of week, hence not much thought, and all rankings/lists liable to change without notice or fanfare.

My Top Five Most Heard Songs of the past few weeks:
1 - Vincent - Don Mclean
2 - Love Song for a Vampire - Annie Lennox
3 - Prime Time - Alan Parsons Project
4 - Master Blaster - Stevie Wonder
5 - License to kill - Gladys Knight

Top Five Feel Good/Cheer me up/Anti Depressant Songs that I can think of:

1 - What does it matter - Molly Hatchet
2 - Space Station - Montrose
3 - How about that - Bad Company
4 - Why go - Pearl Jam
5 - Slave to love - Bryan Ferry

Top Five feel like shit/Life sucks/Ultra-Depressing songs of the moment:
1 - Leaving on a jet plane - Chantal Kreviazuk
2 - Jealous Guy - John Lennon (This is a all time depresso awesome song)
3 - Burn - Tina Arena (love it)
4 - Have you ever needed someone so bad - Def Leppard
5 - Black - Pearl Jam

Five funniest songs in living memory:
1 - Don't marry her (fuck me) - Beautiful South
2 - Shut up and sleep with me - Sin with Sebastian
3 - I wanna fcuk you in the (__o__) - Outhere Brothers (This was crazy)
4 - Dur dur detre baby - Jordy (love it)
5 - All songs by Wierd Al Yankovic

Top Five Chick Songs as of now:
1 - When you're gone - The Cranberries
2 - I'm not giving you up - Gloria Estefan
3 - I'll be okay - Amanda Marshall
4 - Rocking back inside my heart - Julee Cruise
5 - Love thy will be done - Martika

Top Five Romantic Songs I can remember:
1 - I prefer the moonlight - Kenny Rogers
2 - Save the last dance for me - The Drifters
3 - Time to say goodbye - Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli
4 - Stop - Sam Brown
5 - Mountain o things - Tracy Chapman

Top five Songs with the Coolest Names:
1 - Borrowed time - John Lennon
2 - Reel in the flickering light - Christy Moore
3 - Debra - Beck
4 - Ya Yo Gakk - Steve Vai
5 - Carnival of light - The Beatles

Top Five Awesomest Cover versions on my current Most Played:
Don't like cover versions

Feel free to tag yerself and let me know..

The elderly couple walked into my office and announced that they had not gotten along for about fifty years and they wanted a divorce. They looked as if they were around ninety - so I said to them, 'Excuse me for asking, but why have you waited so long to seek a divorce?' And the old gentleman replied, 'We were waiting for the children to die.'

I don't know whether the combination of a toothache and earache brings the beast out in a person but for me it worked slightly different. The medicines didnt work and I had a pounding in moi ear and tooth as I stood dutifully in the NWA queue to check in for the flight. The NWA dude was ready with the checklist in his hands firing away his top 20 idiotic questions for which I was in no mood.

Questions & Answers went like this:

Q: "What is your purpose of travel?
A: Business

Q: "How long are you planning to stay?"
A: 4 days

Q: Who are you visiting?
A: (me losing patience) A client

Q: What is the name of the client?
A: I don't have to answer that.

NWA is irritated (a leetle).

Q: From the time you packed the baggage, has it been out of sight?
A: (pretends to think a leetle - takes a minute actually) - Umm, yes. Once when I went to the loo in moi house.

NWA is visibly perturbed. Tries his stern stare.

Q: Are you carrying anything sharp, pointed or anything that is dangerous and prohibited?
A: None of those but moi hands are registered as lethal weapons

At this, NWA stops. Is in a quandary at what to do. Confused and pissed at the same time. I hear a stifled laff from the lady behind me. I give her a conspiratory wink.

NWA waves me on. I am free to wander. A pitstop at the bar. The rates are depressing. Are we in depression?? I move on to the trinket/book/shawl/etc shop. Pick Thomas Harris. I could read that guy again and again.

A tiny replica of an auto-rickshaw grabs moi full attention. 400 bucks. I let out a minor expletive. The girl attending to the shop asks me,"Is everything okay?" Would you like to buy anything? I gruffly bark, "Just the book, thanks!!"

I fill the immigration form and move towards customs. Moi brass balls don't set the metal detector off. I am finally free methinx. But it's not to be. Yet another swarm of NWA bees is standing at the last frontier with their questions. A nice looking girl alleviates the tooth ache a little. Shoots:

Q: Did anyone give you anything at the airport after you entered it?
A: Just a kiss. And..a pause..Er.. the boarding pass.

Giggles. Waves me on. By now, moi patience has worn thin and I am ready to crash in moi seat. I remember reading in the 9th standard about Gavaskar batting for the whole day with the toothache. The takeoff lends a new dimension to the earache and I am screaming in moi mind for the hostess to bring in the scotch. 15 minutes later, 2 pegs down, I am down and out.

The encounter with yakkety yak Americano on the flight back in similar condition is in the next post..

Am in Minneapolis. A welcome change from Boston. I discovered an earache is almost as bad as a toothache. And having both at the same time is worse than hell. Know that cuz I've been there :)

Mumbai Stands Tall

The recent bombing brought these lines to moi mind as I witnessed the chaos that struck Mumbai.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
-- William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming"

The show must go on. Mumbai stands tall amidst the mayhem and destruction. Salaam Mumbai.

Awareness - The Last Sin

I keep reading a lot of articles on renunciation being used by all and sundry all over the place. I need to say moi whole pound on this for one and not bother about the tuppence. I say rejoice in everything. Enjoy every moment to the maximum and live life kingsize every minute whether you are walking, sleeping, partying, leching, scratching -- everything!! Transform the mundane into something beautiful. And then indirectly, a certain renunciation starts happening in a subtle way. It cannot be done on purpose. It's a happening. You start renouncing rubbish. Foolishness. Meaningless relationships. Jobs and work that are not fulfilling to the being. Acts where growth is not possible. And you don't do it shouting at the top of your roof. It happens on its own. Drops off is a better way to describe it. Renunciation sounds like a negative word. Awareness is a better term methinx.

I visit so many blogs and find a common thread running through most of them. Everyone is pondering about the meaning of life, relationships, spewing frustration and anger at not finding the answers. Why are so many people going astray? Why can't they walk straight? Why are so many people trapped in bypaths? Everything seems so confusing. No clarity, no preceptiveness. Everyone is trying to dissect the past and predict the future. Life has to be lived brutally every moment as if it's the last moment of your life. Unless a total effort is brought into every moment, transformation is not going to take place. There is no point in being lukewarm. Lukewarm efforts towards anything are bound to fail. Transformation happens only when we put our entire energy into it. When you are boiling at a hundred degree centigrade, then you evaporate. An alchemy takes place. Then you start rising up.

A young man with a fine voice is asked to take part in a pageant play, though he tries to beg off, saying he always gets embarrassed under such circumstances. He is assured it will be very simple, and he will have only one line to say: "I come to snatch a kiss, and dart into the fray. Hark! I hear a pistol shot" and then stride offstage.

At the performance he comes onstage, embarrassed already by the tight fitting colonial knee breeches he has been made to put on at the last moment, and becomes completely unstrung at the sight of the beautiful heroine lying back on a garden seat awaiting him, in a white gown. HE clears his throat and announces," I come to kiss your snatch --no!--snatch a kiss, and dart into the dray -- I mean, fart into the gray! Hark! -- I hear a shistol pot -- no! -- a shostil pit, a pistil shit. Oh, batshit, ratshit, shit on you all! I never wanted to be in this damned play in the first place!"

We need to silence our mind. It is perfectly utilitarian in the daily life but we need to be in control to switch it off when not required. I was amazed at the plethora of thoughts that used to inundate moi mind at any given point of time. If you want to check yourself, do one exercise. Be completely true to yourself and lock yourself in a room for ten minutes with a pen and a piece of paper. And write whatever comes to your mind on that piece of paper. And read the same after some time. You will not recognize yourself. You will be surprised at the amount of crap that is generated every minute. We need to bring a silence in us. In our mind and body.

It makes life much more beautiful. It makes you aware of every small happening around you. I don't think I have reached anywhere but I can definitely say I am in a much better state of being than what I was some time ago. Sometimes the switch works and sometimes it doesn't. But progress has been made. Through meditation.

On a parting note:

A man went into a tailor's show and saw a man hanging by one arm from the center of the ceiling.
"What is he doing there?" the man asked the tailor.
"Oh, pay no attention," said the tailor, "he thinks he's a lightbulb."
"Well, why don't you tell him he's not?" asked the startled customer.
"What!" replied the tailor. "And work in the dark?"

Don't laugh. It could be you :)

It's Time to Get a Little Conscious

A woman committed suicide by jumping off a ten storey building onto the sidewalk. She was lying naked on her back when a priest came over and put his hat over the woman's vagina.

A drunk passing by seeing the woman and the hat exclaimed,"The first thing we have got to do is get that guy out of there!"